As The Clocks Ticks

Hey ya,

First and foremost, Merry Christmas!! Hope all of you have a good one. Christmas Day has always been followed by New Year's Day. And so, as we merrily celebrating Christmas, we tend to forget that a week after that, we are already in a new year. And new year is always the time where one reflects their deeds over the last 52 weeks and planning their next 52 weeks. Unfortunately, most of the time, those plans become more and more obsolete and by the 5th week, it will just fade away into thin air and nothing will be done to recreate it. And we left with the same old us a year ago.

Most people would think that for their new year resolution, they want to have a successful life, excel in their studies or their work, have a caring and understanding loved one, stop doing something that they should not have e.g smoking or drinking, and so forth. I too, have a lot of things that I want to improvise come 2009. Particularly, the smoking part. I am trying as hard as I can to minimise my nicotine intake just so that I can prove that I am strong enough to overcome anything. However, I do have a flaw in pursuing this target. I do not have the motivation to keep on going.

Somehow, as 2009 looms, I felt that I might actually get what I want. It has been going on for quite some time and I really feel that this time I'll get it. No, I'm not going to tell what it is, but I will work hard for it. By hook or by crook, I will do my utmost best to get it. Being at the top is hard, staying on top is even harder. That literally explains my ambition to get this. It is an enormous task given recent histories of me failing to get it, but somehow, I felt that I can do it this time around. And if I do get it, I swear to God that I will lever let it slip, ever again. Nobody knows what is it that I want, but I can assure you, it is worth fighting for. Both in the short run and in the long run. Of course, studying and all those generic new year resolutions are still in my mind, with studying being the top priority, because only by studying, I can get what I truly desire. This is a personal goal for me, and seeing the rewards that are waiting for me should I succeed, is something not even words can describe.

Desperta Ferro!

Twilight is....

Hey ya,

Sorry for the lack of updates. I was officially in a 'hibernate' mode over the last one week. Why might one ask? First and foremost, there was nobody around. And when I say nobody was around, I mean NOBODY was around. There were only 3 of us in the house. And we practically did not go out the front door, with the exception to buy food for survival. Secondly, I was having my usual mood-swing (though I should not be having any). And funnily, it lasted quite long. But yeah, no worries, though. I am getting better since Zalina will be back in a week's time. Hopefully we'll be able to spend the New Year's Eve together as planned.

And studies? Hehehe...I actually haven't started a single shit. I managed to start a few pages on Company Law but Stats and Tax? Nada. I have to be strong. Have to work my ass off for this exam (Gee, I think I've said this to myself too many a times). But nothing will ever be done unless I do something. And that, my friend, is watching Twilight (After being bugged by EVERYONE). And I hate to admit it, it was surprisingly good but not good enough for my taste. Robert Pattison a.k.a Edward Cullen (Twilight) a.k.a Cedric Diggory [(Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)...don't think I just knew him by the former movie, I have a very good general knowledge, hehe..perasan], was OKAY. He is an okay-looking guy with a weirdly-extended double-chin. But I love his hair, seriously, I do.

Kristen Stewart a.k.a Bella Swan a.k.a Sarah (Panic Room) a.k.a Maddy (Catch That Kid) was stunningly beautiful. She doesn't have all those features that most Holywood stars have. Her beauty lies not with the amount of the make-up but her eyes. Hey eyes were out of this world. And she played her character well. Her role in the movie was ok, not too great but not too bad either. However, the movie wasn't up to my expectations.

I felt that the movie didn't really expand very well. The story is not centered on Edward trying to save Bella which was the climax of the movie, but the build-up to that moment was somewhat vague. The story mostly centered around Bella trying to know Edward's secrets and there were no build-ups for James' a.k.a the Villain part in trying to hunt Bella. Well not exactly there were no build-ups at all but as far as I can remember, there were only less than 2 seconds that showed the trio's, Laurent, James and Olivia, bad side. During that point, we couldn't even make out who was what. Then all of a sudden the three of them were walking through the mist to crash the Cullens' baseball game only for Laurent to warn them about James' hunger for human blood the next day. Laurent warned the Cullens about James' unparalleled talent at what he does, hunting human. Surprisingly, he became an idiot by following the wrong 'scent' but did manage to get back on the right track. The fight scene between Edward and James were too short to have an impact on the audience. Overall, it was not a great movie but it is a simple yet not kiddish like Narnia.

My ratings 5/10.

p/s: I like this line :"I don't have the strength to keep myself away from you" Damn bloody charming. lol

Cheers

To the both of you

How I love thee till death we part

We stood by the test of time,

By the test of miles,

Not thinking of you will be a crime,

As it'll bring anything but smiles.

A decade have passed,

Friendship blossomed steadily ever since,

No one is above you two lass,

Cos we're always together through the thicks and thins.

As we grow with age,

Wrinkles forming on our faces,

We can show our offsprings, at this age,

Our friendship will never go out of phase.

I love you two very much!!!

How I'm Feeling At The Moment

Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely,

I have nobody,

For my own,

I'm so lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely,

I have nobody,

For my own,

I'm so lonely.

This song now represents what I am feeling right now. I have lost not one but two friends. And now I dread that I might lose another one. Only the chorus of this song really relates to how I am feeling. It has nothing to do with any relationship with any girlfriend or whatsoever. This is how I'm feeling at the moment, and I think that it will not change for quite some time.

Puta!!!!!!!!

Cake-fight!!!

Hey,

Just less than 24 hours ago, we had this surprise birthday party for Naz, one of my juniors here in Cardiff. She totally had no idea that there was going to be a surprise party, a big one. She thought it might be just a small one with her closest friend, but not!!!Even Ainna managed to fool Naz saying that she wanted to go swimming during the day with some friends when all she was doing was going to town to buy Naz a present. But she managed to resist in buying this red jacket, which was gorgeous. But I purposely said it was not that beautiful because the price was £75. Hehe, sorry Ainna!!!ご目なさい!!!

And back to the party, started with the usual "Surprise" shout and the birthday song. We had 3 cakes for nearly 20 people and it was good. Ainna (or was it Fayadh?) bought the cakes while I cooked the chips (or fries in Malaysia) along with Sapir. The fun didn't end there. It's not just like having cakes and chat till we fell asleep. Instead, we had a cake-fight. Now I don't know who started it, Ainna said it was Wan, and Wan said it was Ainna. So my conclusion is both of them started it, haha!! All of us were not spared. Even my camera wasn't spared, huhu...But all in all, it was worth it. Check Facebook for the pictures!!! And to Naz, HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY!!! Welcome to the club...

Happily cake-slapped,

Saiful

Weekend Blast

Hey,

I have been writing all sorts of emo stuff lately that I was starting to wonder if I'll ever write anything about what's going on in my life that is not about emo-ness? Well, now I am going to write about my weekend which was a blast, because I got better just before I went for a shopping trip to Bridgend Designer Outlet, which I was contemplating whether to go or not due to me being such an emotional wreck. But I did go after all. A few hours before that, spent like 2 hours talking to my dear and my babe and they 'slapped' me back into reality. Thanks me darlings.

Now back to the story. We were supposed to go there at 9.45am but biaselah, Malaysian timing kan? Most of our friends woke up late that day and he had to delay our trip by 45 minutes. I was actually surprised by the number of people actually turned up for this trip. Around 20+ people!! The journey was ok, warm inside, albeit the motion sickness which I can't seem to handle very well since I was a kid. And around 40 minutes later, we reached the Holy Land (for girls, mostly =P). And yes, even I was gawping with the shops selling at a discounted price. There were many shops there e.g Liz Claiborne, Nike, Adidas, FCUK, Next, etc.

And starting from there, we split up. And I went along with Zira, Kira, Ainna, Naz and Sapir. And I hate to admit it, shopping is one of the best way to release stress. And I didn't realise it until I got back. I haven't been sleeping for nearly 30 hours prior to the trip, and walked all day there. And shopping is painful. Had backache everytime I sat down. But yeah, like most girls would say, it was all worth it. Too bad Zalina couldn't join us. She would have loved it there. Takpe, we'll go there for Christmas shopping this weekend ok? =)

Bought a few stuff there, a sport jacket, a trench coat, and a t-shirt. I am not much of a shopper but yeah, spent quite a lot on just those 3. And Ainna bought this gorgeous handbag from Monet for about £40. She needed some persuasion from all of us, and she succumbed to our assurance and bought it. And she looked, well happy lah, since she got a top-class handbag. And we had a lot of fun over there. The fake snow, Filet O Fish, and donuts. It was just a Guilt-Free Shopping paradise. And I went back feeling uber happy and already looking forward to going there again. And oh yeah, I haven't mentioned this about Ainna, she, too, played a part in getting me back on track because the both of us were having emotional problems, but with different reasons altogether. And to Ainna, 度もありがとうございます. Thanks for listening to me being bitchy about my problems. Hope I've done the same to you as well.

Till next time,

やった!!!

サイフルアムリ

To Zalina, Hana, Sarah

Hey ya,

I would like to extend my greatest appreciation to the following people:

1) Zalina

I'm not sure whether you'll read these or not. I know I've put you through a lot these past 2 weeks. And I understand why you don't want to see me right now. I was just being selfish and immature when things didn't go my way. And I would like to clarify this, you can have all the time in the world, I have no right whatsoever to do such things to you. I sincerely apologise for being such an asshole to you. I see now. No one in Cardiff understands me like you do. You have known me a lot more than those in Coburn. All the things that I've told you about myself is exactly what I've told my Hana-dear and Sarah-babe. And you've definitely made me a different person, positively. No one has ever done that since I came here. Even if you say you are such a 'horrible' friend, it suits me just fine because Hana is such a 'gedik', and Sarah is such a 'paranoid' girl. (You know you are, girls. =P). You truly are a good friend to have around, and I look forward to spend my remaining 2 years as a student with you. And yeah, I will be at Aberdare come 13th Dec morning to send you off to Germany, like I promised you. Till then, my friend. Thank you so much and I'll be forever in debt in your kindness.

2) Hana-dear

One of my longest friend. My bff. My darling intan payung. You've put up with my weird-ness and PMS more than anyone ever. You gave me hope when I was down. You picked me up when I fall. You slapped me when I was such a bitch. And most importantly, you were always there when I needed you the most. After talking to you on Saturday morning (afternoon la your time), I felt relieved and I smiled endlessly, and with pure sincerity. You've helped me through alot since God knows when, and I don't think I've done enough to do half of the things that you've done for me. You are my one and only girl. You are my heart and my soul and I can't imagine living without knowing you are ok. We have 6 years left till that promise is fulfilled if...well, you know what I mean. You are the best, dear. I love you.

3)Sarah-babe

My girlfriend, in a non-relationship way. My Starbucks, Kopitiam and char kuey teow partner. And my political discussion-mate. You always know which advice to give me when I seemed unable to find a solution to my problems. You are willing to spend time with me when no one else wanted to. You are always there, even during your exams, to listen to my problems. I wish I could do the same to you and I promise you I will. I learnt that I have to give and take in friendship. If a friend wants to be left alone for a little while, and that is what I should do. Now I can finally see why. There is only so much I can for do to them and no more than that. Now I know I have my limit in helping people and sometimes, it'll just make matters worse when you try. Thank you very much, babe for all your advices and motivations. And like Hana, I can't live without you around as my bestfriend, no matter where you'll be in the future. Thank you again, and I shall see you when I return home (whenever that may be)...

I love you guys!!With all my heart

Dark Secret by Ocean Miranda

Darkness all around me,

I feel you, suffocate,

No one else is around my misery,

Can I give anyone the key to the gate?

No one realises the pain,

The weakness that I feel,

The darkness swallows in vain,

My nightmares feel so real.

The shadow that hide,

The tears that I hold back,

The old me, has died,

Everything is black.

I run, but I still see it,

It is hard to face,

It pulls me in, bit by bit,

It takes me back, back to that place!

From the memories, I try to run,

They are destroying me slowly, not fast,

I'm growing weaker, I know they've won,

It haunts me, my past.

The sadness, it has brought,

I feel the guilt,

I can feel the inside rot,

The darkness inside me, it built.

I feel so insane,

These words are my last,

Darkness has won, my tears fall like rain,

I can't run anymore, it has won, my past.

My past has won,

I'm sure this is true,

The damage is done,

My heart, the darkness controls it too.

I'm leaving now,

You may not want to see,

You might not want to know how,

Today is the 'death' of me.

Thanks for being here,

Goodbye, it's time, I'm untied,

I have no fear,

It's time that I 'died'

Ya Rabbi

Malam yang dingin

Nafasku kelihatan tatkala aku menghembuskannya

Beribu perkara yang kufikirkan

Dari yang sekecil zarah hingga sebesar alam

Aku tidak dapat memberikan senyuman ikhlas

Hanyalah sekadar untuk menyembunyikan perasaanku

Aku tidak mengerti apa yang terjadi

Yang telah, dan yang akan terjadi

Hidupku bak patung yang bernyawa

Lemah and tidak bermaya

Hanya mampu melihat

Dengan linangan air mata berdarah

Tidak mampu lagi aku berusaha

Tidak mampu lagi aku mencuba

Segalanya kuserahkan pada-Mu

Ya-Rab-al-Alamin

Scared

I'm now scared...scared of what will happen in 24hours' time.

Ya Allah, please give me this calm feeling that I'm craving right now, for I can't find it no matter what I do...

Your humble servant

サイフルアムリ

Sarah and Hana

I wrote this one especially to my 2 of my longest friends. They are my life and my soul. There is nothing that can describe how much they mean to me. They have always been there for me, in both good and bad times. I love them more than anything that I have right now. And I can only hope that I have been there for them in their time of needs.

Hana, 10 years of pure friendship and love. That is a very very long time. Not many people can survive such a friendship for so long, but not you and I. I first met you in 1998 where we were in the same class. And we never looked back ever since. You have always been the numero uno whenever I feel like I was breaking to pieces. No one can ever replace you as my best friend. And I remember telling you this, I remember it clearly when. It was in 2004 where we had a very big fight. We almost ended our friendship then and there. But I realised that if I lose you, I would lose another half of me. "No matter what happens between us, you will always be my best friend, in life and in afterlife". I want you to know that I always think of you even when I am halfway across the world. I wish that I could be with you in Nando's and eat all those foods that I clearly don't like. You are a truly remarkable friend and my mentor in photography. I guess I learnt from you that "Pictures worth a thousand words". And it saddens me to hear

 that you are moving but hey, I was away for 2 years back in 2004 and 2005 but we kept on going strong. I am sure that we will always be the same no matter where we both are right? I love you Hana, and I always will be.

Sarah, my Oldtown partner. You, like Hana, completed the other half of me. Without you, I would be a nobody. You are the only one that can truly cheer me up, even now. You always have good things to say just to make me feel better. I really hope I have done just as much as you had done for me, because I know I haven't. I learnt a lot from you. The one thing that I am still trying to learn is on how to be patient. I am trying hard, babe. I really am. You are always there whenever I feel hungry and we would go to eat char kuey teow at Malinja or we would go to Starbucks for my cappuccino and your green tea frap. You always listen to me every time I have a problem with certain people and you stick by my side even when I don't have the strength to get up. You are always there for me. I sometimes feel very ashamed because I called you all the way from here, ranting about stuff, and you are in the middle of exams and all, I feel very

 ashamed and very sorry. As your best friend, I shouldn't have called you during those times. But you never told me to talk to someone else, you always have some nice things to say. I really love you, babe. 7 years of friendship and we are as strong as anyone. And so you know, if you are going to Nando's with Hana, just keep in mind that I am there, you just can't see me, that's all. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

あなたわ私のし乳です

Till next time my besties,

字やね

Only God Knows

I have been hiding this feeling

Hiding it in my heart

Covering the blossoming love

From the bottom of my heart

I beg for God's signs

Show me my one true love

To fill my loneliness

To send joy to my heart

Dear God,

Shower me with calmness

To soothe my troubled heart

Longing for the love of my life

In my heart

Only God knows

In my heart

I miss you girl

Sincerely waiting for you

For you are the one for me

Photoshop Thingy

This is what I've done so far with the new Adobe® Photoshop CS4 =P. Take a look

The Broken Arc

The Meltdown

Coburn16 Part II

Impossible Is Nothing

Autumn in the Garden by Henry Van Dyke

When the frosty kiss of of Autumn in the dark
Makes its mark
On the flowers, and the misty morning grieves
Over fallen leaves;
Then my olden garden, where the golden soil
Through the toil
Of a hundred years is mellow, rich, and deep,
Whispers in its sleep.

'Mid the crumpled beds of marigold and phlox,
Where the box
Borders with its glossy green the ancient walks,
There's a voice that talks
Of the human hopes that bloomed and withered here
Year by year,--
Dreams of joy, that brightened all the labouring hours,
Fading as the flowers.

Yet the whispered story does not deepen grief;
But relief
For the loneliness of sorrow seems to flow
From the Long-Ago,
When I think of other lives that learned, like mine,
To resign,
And remember that the sadness of the fall
Comes alike to all.

What regrets, what longings for the lost were theirs!
And what prayers
For the silent strength that nerves us to endure
Things we cannot cure!
Pacing up and down the garden where they paced,
I have traced
All their well-worn paths of patience, till I find
Comfort in my mind.

Faint and far away their ancient griefs appear:
Yet how near
Is the tender voice, the careworn, kindly face,
Of the human race!
Let us walk together in the garden, dearest heart,
Not apart!
They who know the sorrows other lives have known
Never walk alone.

Monday Blues

Hey ya,

It seems like ages ago since I last wrote anything here. Mostly because I am now too busy with either studying, or working. Yes, I am working now. It is nothing much, being a cleaner and get paid £8.60 for a 90-minute work which can easily be done in 30 minutes. Not bad considering that I will get £180 a month. Work long enough, I can get myself a new PC or a new laptop altogether. I was considering whether or not I should buy the iPod Touch™ or not but after considering the pros and cons of both sides, I decided to choose necessity over luxury for the time being. I think this is a good platform for me to fully utilise my time here.

It is now 4am Monday morning and I have been up since 9am. It confounded me, really. Went to Nottingham in the wee hours of Saturday morning, played futsal half of the day, went around walking and meeting new people and rekindled old friendships and so on, I was bound to be flat on Sunday. We reached Cardiff around 11pm on Saturday and so I decided to sleep straightaway around 1am or so. I thought I would be waking up around noon or something but I woke up at 9am. It was an accident that put me into this miserly Sunday. I was rolling around in my sleep when my knee accidentally pulled a bit of the curtain and the usually-depressing daylight hit my face. I woke up and I cant sleep from there onwards. And yes, my sunday was boring as usual. Coburn16 fell unusually quiet this weekend. Normally people would come in and hang out here. The juniors are the ones who always come here to find some comfort if they feel homesick, hehe...but sadly though, most of them have exam on Monday and so it is best that they study hard for it. All the best to them. Gee, I am running out of words. I don't know what to say anymore, really. I am having this (as Sarah babe pointed out, writer's block), so yeah, maybe I am having one of those moments when I can't think on what to write. So I guess I'll just stop right here for now. To all Medic 1st years, good luck, and may Allah be with you when you face your exams. Till then, cheers.

p/s: To Ainna, ガん場ってクださ

Translate this so that you can prove to me that you are indeed Japanese =P

Friends II

Hey...

Now I know I said that I won't be writing any post for the next few weeks, but somehow I feel like I have to write about this particular matter, why do I treasure friendships. This is because of an argument that I had with a 'friend' a few days ago. Let's call this person X. X may be a guy or a girl but for ease of references, let's just say that X is a girl, because, well, if guys argue, it will nearly always end up in a fight. And so I have X, a girl that I'm very close with. She was the one that I turned to whenever I have problems with regards to anything in my daily life. We are, as she put it, in a completely different mindset. And so I accepted that fact because I have completely different views with Hana and Papar, two of my bestfriends. Sarah, my closest bestfriend is basically my twin sister. We have the same taste in almost everything.

Now X has a little bit of a problem when it comes to friendships. She said that she never keeps a long-term friendship. She would start to have some sort of distance between her and her friends till she lost touch with them. Now I'm not sure whether it applies to all of her friends or not, but it is not practical and definitely cruel to those who are being done with such action. Maybe it's her way of dealing with the feeling of missing your good friends and bestfriends and all, but it's her choice, I have no right to complain nor I have the power to influence her to do the opposite. And I may be wrong about how she deals with missing her friends, I may not know why is she distances herself from her old friends, but I'm not in the right place to know such things. She asked my why do I keep my old friends close to me, and here is my answer.

The longest friend that I have ever known and that I still keep in touch is definitely Razif, a guy that I have known since I was 8 years old. That's 12 years of relationship. And I remember clearly that it was in Sekolah Agama Rakyat Taman Melawati that I met him. Our class were just beside each other. And we used to play battle between our classes by throwing empty bottles and stuff like stationaries, papers, etc. And we always got into trouble with the ustaz for creating such a racket in class. And we did have our big argument when I was 12. We had a huge fight and we didn't speak to each other for months. I actually said that my friendship with him is over at that time. And I really meant it. I never wanted to be his friend again. But time is the best medicine, we ended up as good friends in high school, spending 3 wonderful years as classmates, teammates and troublemakers before we parted ways to MCKK and MRSM respectively. And those 2 years, never once did we contact each other, be it via calls, texts, nor Friendster. Only when I was in Taylor's, did we finally decided to meet up, and God it was such a great feeling to know that he's doing well. We would exchange stories, both good and bad about what has happened while we were gone. Even after I went to Cardiff and came back home for holidays, we would still meet up for futsal, teh tarik and of course, char kuey teow.

Razif and I are a part of a brotherhood that consists of Luqman, Rafeeq, Zuhri, Azif and Adam. I have known Luqman, Zuhri and Adam while we were in primary school while Rafeeq and Azif in high school. It was great to know that everyone is doing well in their respective fields: Luqman in USM, Zuhri in MMU, Azif in Moscow, Razif in India, Rafeeq in Jordan (..or Egypt) and Adam....well, he's in some college, I can't remember which. Sorry dude, haha...The reason why I treasure all of my friendships, whether it is still going on strong, or ended in an argument, the good times always outweighs the bad. I believe that friendship is like a growing tree, you have to be patient with it. It won't grow overnight, but you know it'll grow if you water it well. It takes years and years of hardwork just to keep it from breaking and everyone knows, it will only take a second to break it. And there are times when our friendship almost ended when everyone parted ways after PMR but we managed to survive all those years, not by seeing each other all the time, but we took every opportunities to go out and have meals together and just chilling.

We abide by the Bro Code, and we sticked to it and we will continue to stick by it, no matter if we will be married and have kids, and even if we are dead, we will always be brothers. And it's not just a matter of being friends and that's it. Friends, to me, are a part of me. They helped me in shaping what I am now, both good and bad. And I have no regrets at all. And that's not the only friendship that I treasure, there are loads more. My friendship with Yani, my classmate from high school is strong though we haven't seen each other in 5 years. Anna, a special individual indeed, though we don't message each other constantly, we know that we are there for each other. And Yana...Wan Farah Liyana, a girl of whom I had a crush on in Taylor's and incidentally, she had a crush on me as well. We didn't get to the next level i.e dating but we still remain friends and she is doing really fine in Leeds.

And I know, if I live long enough and I am sane enough by the time I am 80, I can tell my grandchildren "You know the richest man in Malaysia? Tan Sri Azif, He's my friend and my brother and the doctor who performed the most complicated surgery in the world? Dr. Razif, He's my friend and my brother. And you Datuk Luqman, the man who discovered 3 oil reserves in the seas that'll last for another century? He's my brother". And that is the beauty of having long-term friendships. If you only think that you'll make new friends and you can just distance yourself with your old friends, it means that they are no friends of yours, they are merely acquaintances.

Notice

Hey..

I won't be writing over the next few weeks, I just don't have the will to write anything due to some fucked up circumstances...sorry for the inconvenience..

Friends

Hey...

Friends. The people that are supposed to be there for you in both good and bad times. But what happened if your 'friends' do not want you to be there for them? They told you "You can tell me anything you want, I'll always be here for you because we're friends". And you told them everything because you trust them with your life. However, whenever your friends told you that they have a problem and that they are really pissed off with it but would not give you any explanations or stories behind it, how would you feel? And remember you told them everything, even those that are very personal and are not to be spoken in a normal coffeehouse conversation. And yet, you got nothing back from them, not even a slightest insight to their problems. Tell me, how would you feel?

Let us consider this example:

You: Hey man, how was your day today?

Friend: It wasn't great at all, man. I'm damn pissed off with this girl in my class today, she kept bugging me in class.

You: (Concerned) Well, what happened actually?

Friend: Never mind, it doesn't matter now anyway.

Now tell, if you are in this situation, how would you feel? If I was you, I would be pissed to get those kinds of answers. If it does not matter now, then why are you telling me? And yet, why are you telling me NOW? You know how I would feel, knowing that you are upset but do not know why because you DO NOT WANT TO FREAKING TELL ME. Think about it, my friend. And I want you to ask your friend this question,

"Truthfully, am I, in your eyes, a friend to you?" 

Because sometimes they may say that they are your friend but it is actually the other way around...

Think about it...

Words

*This song is dedicated to you...*

Smile an ever lasting smile 
A smile can bring you near to me 
Don't ever let me find you gone 
Because that would bring a tear to me 
This world has lost its glory 
Let's start a brand new story 
Now my love 
You think that I don't even mean 
A single word I say 

It's only words 
And words are all I have 
To take your heart away 

Talk in ever lasting words 
And dedicate them all to me 
And I will give you all my life 
I'm here if you should call to me 
You think that I don't even mean 
A single word I say 

It's only words 
And words are all I have 
To take your heart away 

It's only words 
And words are all I have 
To take your heart away 

This world has lost its glory 
Let's start a brand new story 
Now my love 
You think that I don't even mean 
A single word I say 

It's only words 
And words are all I have 
To take your heart away 

L.O.V.E

Hey ya,

Nowadays, decisions to end a relationship is now too often we hear. The end of a relationship is, in most situation, also the end of a friendship. Some people think that by having an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with you will only bring back all those memories, be it good or bad. Some people think it is best that you lock away your special one inside your heart and it is the only way for you to forget him. I beg to differ.

It is because I tried the same thing as stated above. And it did not prove to be a good way for you to move on or to let go. It took me 5 long years and cost me a relationship before I could finally let her go. It was because I kept her locked inside my heart and put her there as the best I will ever have, no matter who will I end up with, eventually. It all changed last September, on my last day in Malaysia before making my maiden voyage to Cardiff. I decided to open that chest and talked to Nadia while I was at the airport. It was such a relieving feeling, having to talk to her again after all these years. It turned out we are better off as friends, and in fact, we are good friends. I guess locking her away in my heart will only make it worse for me because she was begging me to release her from that 'chest'. And I duly obliged and it made me a new man. Thus, I am now single and ready to mingle. I heard a phrase somewhere "If you want him/her, just grab any opportunity that you can find". And yes, I am up for grabs. =P

cheers

To Zalina

Thank you Zalina!!!

Weekend To Remember

What a weekend...

My weekend started around in the wee hours of Saturday where I had to go to London for a mentoring programme with professionals working in the UK. Left Cardiff around 4am and reached the cold London morning at 7-ish. Me, along with Farah then went to the Malaysian Hall after a quick cup of coffee at Victoria Train Station to help setting up the venue for the programme. There, we met up with Warren Leow, one of the professionals and also the main man who organised the programme. Learnt a lot from him regarding my future and what I'll be doing when I cross over to the professionals life. And of course, anybody who is in their right mind would go to the Malaysian Hall for a cup of Malaysian favourite, teh tarik. I think I had 6 of those bad boys.

The event fished around 4pm and me and Farah decided to walk around London to see, well, London. Most of the time, we'll be going to London for some function and so lacked the time to walk around London. There, I was so stunned about the stores in London. Recently, as all of you may have known, the world is being hit with the "Credit Crunch" started by our 'dearly-beloved' Americans and it s starting to hit countries on a global scale. It is bad for, say banks and small businesses, but on the other hand, it is somewhat a heaven for us. What I saw in London was "SALES UP TP 90% DISCOUNT" in almost every shop in London. Me and Farah then went inside Liliwhites to check out the sports department. I was struck to see a blue Manchester United jersey which the original price would be £45 each. And due to the credit crunch, it was lowered to £36. I looked at it and said "I'm gonna buy this one and I don't care". And so I did. But then, as I was walking towards the counter, I saw another one jersey up for sale. An England jersey for £5 only. And I thought to myself, "This is some pretty serious shit, the credit crunch". And yes, I bought that jersey as well.

Then the clock struck 7pm. We met a few friends of mine in front of the store and we had dinner at Cha Cha Moon, a Chinese restaurant in the middle of London. And yet again, I was struck with awesomeness. A plate of Char Kuey Teow for a mere £3.50. And I ate 2 dishes worth only £7. I was so full I was laughing the whole way. And as people say "Time flies when you are having fun", we had to leave to catch the 11pm bus back to Cardiff. Our journey back wasn't nice though, rock-solid seats made it difficult for us to sleep. Reached London at 2.15am.

My weekend did not end there. After I reached my house, a lot of people were there to help out with our Hari Raya Open House on Sunday, I was sleepy and in dire need of sleep but decided to stay up. Had a cup of coffee and I was already high on caffeine. While everyone was sleepy and tried to stay awake and cook, I on the other hand, was jumping inside the house. I eventually stayed up until 6am.

Sunday was very nice and fun. Woke up at 9am and helped out with the remainder of preparations. A lot of friends came over and had so much fun, with the Karaoke in my room and chit-chatting in the living room, and the day ended around 9pm, 3 hours later than originally planned. So tired but yet happy, I slept early yesterday, around 10.30pm and woke up at 10am on Monday. Well, it was a weekend to remember, indeed. Now is the time for me to stop writing and read some notes. Ta, cheers

Simple Political Solution

Hey ya,

I haven't write anything political recently because..well, I am not in Malaysia. Been trying to keep up with the funny little games that our 'beloved' leaders are playing in the name of self-interest or in other words, party-interest. The Government will have a go at the Opposition and vice versa. All they are saying is that the other party is bad for the nation and should not be voted in the next General Election, which is scheduled, if I'm not mistaken, in 2011. 3 years...that's how long we, the rakyat, will suffer if this continues. While one party is struggling to hold on to power, the other is trying to rise to power. One man i.e Pak Lah, is trying to have his bloody son-in-law Khairy Jamaluddin to be the big guy in politics, the other i.e Anwar Ibrahim, is relentlessly trying to be in control of the nation as soon as possible. And in the end, nothing good is achieved and we will be the victims. And they are not the only ones who make Malaysia a laughing stock in the eyes of the world.

So my solution is plain and simple. "Step down la weyh, buat malu negara je weyh"

Yatta!!! I did it!!!

After nearly 2 years of learning, I managed to edit a picture using Adobe Photoshop CS®. Not that flashy or anything, it was just a simple picture. Check it out. Haha!!!

Weekend

Hey ya,

I haven't been updating as frequently as I hoped but now I've got the time, I'll try and put something on. I had a very bad week altogether. Mostly it's because of the cough that I have to put up with since last friday. And it still shows no sign of slowing down. On wednesday, we had our 1st official training for the upcoming Nottingham Games scheduled to be on the 1st of November, didn't play that well, though. I had 2 blisters on my 2 left toes, and that is the starting point of my week of hell. My tutorials allocation is...well, shitty. My schedule was fine till then. Now I realised that I have 4 hours' worth of tutorials and lectures...and from 9am till 1pm with no break at all. And to make matters worse, I have another class at 3pm..this day of pure hell is on thursday. And also on friday, I have a tutorial at 9am, which is pissing me off. Luckily, a futsal match later that evening did, to a certain extent, relieved me of my grief.

My saturday wasn't productive either. Woke up super late at 2pm at a friend's house and then went home after having a quick lunch at a nearby cafe. I reached home about 2.45 when I saw my housemates all dressing up. They told me that they were going to their friend's open house and I was invited as well. And I had to shower as quickly as I can. We went there by bus but walked almost 20 minutes just to get there. There, it was a great open house because we got to eat nasi ayam with ketupat, and kuih raya. Thank you for your hospitality, girls. After that, since we were on the other side of Cardiff, we decided to go and look for some shisha flavour. Why you might ask? It's because the shop near our house only had coffee flavour which tasted like shit. So we went and look for any Middle Eastern-type shops and asked. We stopped by at Mediterranean Shop which was where we found that there are tonnes of flavours there. So we bought strawberry and orange flavour. Then the owner asked us "Dari mana?". It took us nearly 10 seconds to realise that he was speaking in Malay. Then one of my junior said "Cathays", I nearly laughed and corrected that answer "Saya dari Kuala Lumpur". "Kuala Lumpur belah mana?", he asked. I simply replied "Ampang". "Owh, saya dari Batu Tiga selama 7 tahun". We were stunned because his Malay was perfect and it did bring a little bit of joy to my day. But it was short-lived, though. We then walked all the way back to our house, which was half an hour and I was walking with a bloated stomach as I had too much drink.

I was just reached my house when my other housemates entered the house and brought some food from their friends' open house. It was satay!!!!I was so tired and full but decided to eat, well, 10 sticks until I decided to sleep. And it was all before 9pm. Now it is 5 am and I haven't slept since. And yeah, I still have tutorials to do, so I think I'll just do that. Toodles...

To babe

Hey you,

This post specially dedicated to you. It's hard to imagine to live for the remainder of my life without you as my bestfriend. 8 years...that's how long we have been through thick and thin. All those laughter and tears were real and know this, there is not a single moment that I've ever regretted. And whenever I feel down, you are the first person that I would call and though at times you were in the middle of your exams and all, you still found time to hear me rant. Don't ever, not even once, think that I don't appreciate you. I have my reasons why. And I'm pretty sure you yourself have a secret that even I don't know about. I'm not complaining or anything and for sure I don't mind if you don't want to tell me anything as long as our friendship remains intact and strong. I told you, I am waiting for the right time to tell you and I have a promise to keep, so I'm asking for your patience and consideration in this particular matter. And I beg for your forgiveness if my decision is not what you want. Please....please respect my decision and when the time is right, you will be the first to know babe. That, I promise you.

ARGGGHH!!!

Bloody migraine and stomachache!!!Get the hell out of me!!!

Weekend Roundup

Monday is here.

It's 0600hours and I still haven't slept yet. I have classes from 1210 till 1500 and another one at 1710 today. 4 lectures of pure boredom. But that doesn't deter me from doing whatever I can to emulate and, hopefully, go one better than my brother. He's the one I look up to whenever I feel down with anything. His composure in handling pressure is something that I'm really proud of. He's my main source of motivation and admiration when I feel like I'm lacking the strength to continue. There are others as well that motivate me. And you know who you are =).

My Eid celebration was a blast. Started with prayers on tuesday morning then continued with an open house of a postgraduate (I missed the morning class =P), it didn't stop there. Coburn16 held what supposedly to be a small makan-makan session turned out to be a big open house. We cooked 6 whole chickens to cater all those hungry needs. At lease 30 people were here. All in all we had a great time. Then came saturday where MSSCF held a Welcoming Dinner for the freshies and Eid celebration at the Community Centre. It was nice to see all the young new faces strutting their stuff here in Cardiff. Congratulations to those who were elected as the 1st year representatives and hope you will live up to the expectations required by the Society and its members.

I'm sorry for posting a very short post as I am so tired and I think I'm gonna hit the bed for a few hours. Till then, later~

Eid Mubarak in Cardiff

Hey ya...

Hope you all have a blast in this year's Eid, may Allah bless our lives and souls always. My Eid here in Cardiff was a blast. Started with the prayers at the Community Centre around 8.30am and being treated with food from home and nearly made me cry because it was so delicious. We had rendang, lemang, and of course, my all-time favourite teh tarik. Took tonnes of pictures over there with my friends and housemates. Ainna, Nazleen, Jufri and Sapir were the few juniors that I'm close with because, well, they are of my age, haha. And of course, the legendary 16Coburners are there to celebrate this great occasion. I can't really say much because I am running out of time and my classes are already packed with tutorials and so forth. I will update again in due course yeah?

cheers and again, Happy Eid Mubarak

Eid Mubarak

Hey ya..

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

MAAF ZAHIR BATIN!!!

Weekend Roundup

Well....

Saturday is finally here. I am already exhausted though my class hasn't started yet. Must be all the walking that I did over the last few days. Let's start with thursday. My day started late, around noon, if I'm not mistaken. Bumming around, a few of my juniors came knocking my door. 3 of them actually -Saper, Nazleen, and Aina- and they lepaked at the house until around buka puasa. Since they didn't know where to find a good restaurant and me being the ever-so-nice senior, I brought them to Ambala, the only place close enough to a mamak stall. We did a lot of talking, mostly getting to know them and they called me abang until I told them that I am as old as they are. It's quite funny when you think about it. Then I gave Aina a portable heater since she's been complaining that her room is too cold and the centralised heater seems like not working at all.

Friday is another tiring day. I had to skip my Friday prayers because my personal tutor insisted that between 1pm and 2pm was the only time available for me should I wish to see him and he won't be free on the weekends and the next week. I asked him mostly on fees and that sort of stuff. I went to the city right away to blow off steam and only reached 16 Coburn around 3pm. Barely an hour after that, Azri gave me a call and asked if I wanted to go to IKEA to buy some stuff and since I badly need that £100 chair, so I said yeah. He said we would meet up at the station in 15 minutes, and so I did. But he, Aliana and Amal only reached there around 40minutes after the scheduled time because they went to the poster sale at the Student Union Building. So we reached IKEA around 5.30pm and we went shopping and we break our fast there with fish and chips and free refilled coffee. We only finished our shopping around 10pm -the closing time of IKEA and we took a taxi back to our house and I had to layan a guest in the house -Farah Nabila who was doing 2nd year in Civil. She did her 1st year in UiTM. I couldn't afford to go to sleep yet at the time because that is just my principle -no sleeping or personal errands if there's a guest in the house, except when answering the call of nature. So I slept at 2am and yeah, I missed my sahur but yeah, life can be pretty shitty. Toodles.

A Day of Misery

Wow, what a day.

Barely 16 hours of arriving at Cardiff, I had to go out to settle a lot of things. I woke up at 10am after sahur at 3am, then after shower, went to Crwys Road to pay my outstanding rent which was £460 for the 3 months I wasn't here. The misery started there as I left the money in my other jacket, so I had to go back to get the money. And so before I decided to go back and pay for my house rent, I went to the bank to deposit some money into my account and changed a few things about my bank details. The bank was efficient, as always, and it was done with ease.

Then I went to O2 to get a new contract which would enable me to get my hands on the new iPhone 3G. However, after checking my credit, my application was rejected at least 5 times (twice at the centre, and another 3 at another shop, Carphone Warehouse). Around 2pm, after my 4th attempt to apply for the phone went to no avail, the guy working there told me to come back in 1 hour, probably thinking there was something wrong with O2 website or something. So in that 1 hour, I went back to Crwys Road to settle my payment, which was a 20-minute walk from the city and went back to the shop and got rejected yet again. So I decided to get myself a prepaid SIM card for now as I sorted out the problems.

Later that night, I went to Fadhli's house because he wanted to buy my iPod. I went there in the blistering cold and found that I left a bag full of clothes over there and then I had to drag the bag all the way to Coburn Street. My God, it has been a long day for me. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better one. Till then, cheers!

Half-way Through

Ahoy me hearties,

I'm writing in Dubai International Airport. I'm surprised that they provide free WiFi here. In most airports that I've been, this is among the first few that actually provide free Internet service without the needs of paying any sorts of fees. Well, let me update you of my journey so far. I reached KLIA around 10pm, and when I was in the process of checking-in, it turned out that I have an excess weight in both of my check-in luggage and my hand luggage. And, as expected I had to pay for the excess weight. I said "Yeah, sure. How much will it cost me?" and the answer that I got from the employee made my eyeballs popped out. I had to pay RM2,488 for the excess of 10kg. But credits to my dad who is a master in negotiations, and he managed to cut the fines to RM1,788 which is still a lot of money.

Then me and my family went to have coffee at a nearby coffee shop and I made a few phone calls to my friends telling then that I'm leaving Malaysia. If I recalled properly, I made phone calls to Hana Z, Sarah, Wanie, Razif, Izzah, Danny and Loo. I tried to call Hana Hussein but she must must have fallen asleep by then. But I had a mixed feelings on going back to Cardiff. A part of me said it's good to be back in Cardiff and another part of me said "I wish I had more time". And again, it occurs to me that no matter how horrible most of my holidays were, it ended on a high note. And I have been smiling ever since. =)

To Sarah and Hana, my bestfriends, I just want to wish you all the best in your exams and my thoughts are always with you. Till we meet again. Cheerio.

Before I Leave

Hey ya,

I'm writing this post with just under 9 hours left for me to savour the air of Malaysia. I'm having mixed feelings of going back to Cardiff tonight. What a weekend it has been for me, and when I said "Let's have a blast", my God it was the biggest blast I've ever had. And I dedicate this post to all the following people:

Sarah: You are my bestfriend for eternity, you gave me laughter when I needed one, you gave me ears when I thought no one would listen and you kept pushing me to succeed in my life. And yes, I will keep my promise to you. I swear.

Hana: You, too, are my bestfriend. One of my longest friend, 10 years of tears and laughter, no matter where I am, no matter how far I go, you will always be in my heart as the the one who gave me strength when I feel like giving up. And as time goes on, we will always be the best of friends.

Loo: You are like a brother to me, you made me realise that there are more things in life that you can learn. You taught me how to respect other people and be around people. You taught me everything that no books can ever teach. I wish you all the best in your course and I shall be waiting for you in Cardiff come September 2009.

Wanie: Though I have met you only once, you made my weekend as the best I've had in a very long long time. The opportunity that you gave me made me even more determined to catch my dreams. I hope that this is a start of a wonderful friendship between us and I look forward to seeing you more often when I come back.

Hana Hussein: What can I say. I had a great time with you on Friday, and with you being very busy and still could make some time for a casual dinner made me feel touched. I'll keep in touch with you when I'm in UK and I hope this won't fade with time. And I know you've worked hard for your internship and remember, keep working hard and you will earn your respect. You certainly have my respect. I really look forward to see you again and have dinner when I come back. =)

Bad relationship

Hey ya,

I am actually feeling a bit weird when it comes to this whole "couple" thing. Instead being free to loved and be loved, it seems that certain people become forced to love and have cut out everything else in her life. If the boyfriend says "I don't you want to be friend with him" or "I don't want you to befriend with any other guy except me", she'll just accept it because, well, she's the girlfriend. To me, if this is the situation that couples face these days, then it's not worth it to be in a relationship at all. A healthy relationship should be open and free. He/she can mingle around because that's the essential part. The significant other must be able to mingle around your friends because that's the way for her to know who you are.

You can't tell your girlfriend to just sit home and weaving baskets, what year it is?1920? So what if your girlfriend has guy friends. If you say that she's not allowed to have a single guy friend in her life, you should be the same as well. You should be ashamed of yourself. And to my friend whom I have treated like my own little sister, stand up for yourself!!!

John Bing
Procrastinator for Saiful Amri

Smile for a hope

The day looms large...I'm leaving in a few days...let's make it a blast, shall we?
And if everything goes the way we plan, it'll bring the widest smile on my face for years (seriously!!)

Hoping-and-wishing me...

Rights Stripped??

I don't know if the ISA will come and arrest me for posting this blog but I sure hell don't give a damn about it. I'm pretty sure that all are aware about the recent arrest of Tan Hoon Cheng -a reporter for Sin Chew Daily- Selangor executive councillor Teresa Kok and Malaysia Today editor Raja Petra Kamaruddin (RPK) by the ISA grabbed the headlines all over the nation. They were arrested under Section 73(1) of the Internal Security Act 1960. What struck me with a headshot is that Home Minister Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar said, according to The Star Sept 14th 2008, Miss Tan was ARRESTED because her safety was under threat. Why would anyone be arrested under such reason? And why would the police issue an arrest warrant for Miss Tan so that she be protected? An arrest warrant?? Surely there are other alternatives.

RPK was arrested for being a threat to security, peace and public order. I'm thinking, all this while, all he has done is condemning our "beloved" Kerajaan by means of blogging through his blog. If what he has done is wrong in the eyes of Kerajaan, it certainly contradicts with the statement made by Prime Minister Pak Lah who, a few weeks ago, said that "the media should write the truth and there should be no fear in writing the truth". And that is basically what he and Miss Tan did. She is a reporter and it is her duty to report on events that happened not long ago when UMNO Division Chief Datuk Ahmad Ismail made racist remarks about the Chinese being pendatang (squatters) and do not deserve equal rights. If I look at it properly, it is Datuk Ahmad who should be arrested for being a threat to public safety as his remarks have caused a furore among the non-Malays -and he refuses to apologise for it. All he got is a 3-year suspension from UMNO and no arrest warrant was issued to him. And yet, he decided to put fire to the flame by saying that the Malays should unite as one. To me, as far as the allegations made about RPK disrupting the peace and security of the public, Datuk Ahmad certainly fulfill the requirements for the same allegation. I am a Malay yet I am ashamed that he made these sorts of remarks. These sorts of remarks is one of the many reasons that hinder the objective of the Government of producing a Malaysia free of racism. A man like Datuk Ahmad doesn't deserve to get a 3-year suspension. He should be expelled completely and be banned from entering any political party for the rest of his life.

It may be or may not be true that the arrest of the 3 of them has to do with the Government's plan to foil the Sept 16 takeover by PKR, I don't know. I have no interest politics and their little games. I am merely saying what is in my heart and if this post got me arrested, it means that we as Malaysian, have lost our right for freedom of speech. And if we lose our rights for freedom of speech, we can't call Malaysia a country practising democratic system, but instead we will call it a country that is ruled under a dictatorship-style ruling where all rights have been stripped and abandoned.

What A Wonderful World

First and foremost, I would like to say how proud I am to have such good friends in this world. From Hana, Sarah, and Shafiq as my bestfriends to Nadia, Aina, Jip and Loo as my good friends, they are all there when I need them the most. Especially with a particular incident occurred a few days ago.

I was in an unstable mood after weeks of hell passed by. Now that it is all over, I wanted to go out and smell the fresh air (well, polluted air mostly) in KL. So I asked Aina to accompany me for the day. It was fun but bloody tiring day. First, we went to Jalan Masjid India to take my baju raya. My mom went crazy when I said I bought a black one. She said that it is like mourning death. And I simply replied "every year is always yellow lah, red lah, green lah, blue lah, all the kids' colors" and both of us laughed as my mom agreed to that. Right after that, we went to KLCC as I needed some clothes for me to bring to UK.

We stopped by at Topman at Ground Floor and my eyes were glued to this one jacket which looks so nice. I tried it on and it was so comfy inside. I looked at the price tag. RM335!!!??? And me and Aina decided to take our time before finally decided not to buy it. We also wanted to watch a movie but time was against us so I sent her all the way back to Shah Alam. I was really sleepy during the whole journey and I decided (with Aina's consent) to sleep in the car outside her house for a good 20 mins. Funnily though, I managed to dream twice in that short space of time, though I can't remember the dreams.

I reached home around 5 pm when I told my sister about my jacket. My sister just said "Mom nearly bought a 300-buck wok." And I was like "WTF??". It's non-sticky, according to her. I just laughed my head off until buka puasa. And no, I did go for tarawih prayers as I was too tired and I fell asleep until midnight. This day is certainly a moral-booster for me. I was down just a few days ago with a tough decision to make and I am very grateful and thankful to have such good friends and loving family around me when I need them the most.

"Ku panjatkan kesyukuranku padamu Illahi, mengucapkan Alhamdulillah diatas segala nikmat yang telah Kau berikan. Sesunnguhnya Kaulah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Penyayang"

-Amin Ya Rab-al-Alamin-

Gambatte kudasai

I am feeling guilty after what I did. I finally called it a day with Lydia. However, it is for the best for the both of us. Though, through her blog, that she'll pretend that nothing that has ever happened between us, I'll always remember her as a girl who actually changed my mind about a lot of things in life.

I wish you all the best and hope to see you in class soon. And I'll always try and better myself in the future and this is a quote that I got from a Japanese drama that I watched the other day "Through pain and bitterness, can you only find the happiness in love". Till then, gambatte ne.

Confusion

This usually happens to me whenever I'm alone or watching some emo movie or listening to emo music and stuff like that. However, over the past 2 weeks I've been thinking about it everyday, day and night and most of the time, I ended up sleepless for days.

Recently, I had a fight with my girlfriend around a month ago. It was my honesty that triggered that argument, really. I openly said that I was yet to get over my ex-girlfriend. It triggered a massive fight, well emotionally that is, between us. And it has left our relationship battered and bruised ever since, and it is still not repaired. Everytime I do something, whether be it in Friendster or Facebook or in my blog (the previous URL), we'll always end up in an argument.

Now I am not going to defend myself in anyway, nor am I blaming her. It was, after all, my fault in the beginnning. Some say I shouldn't have said those things to keep my relationship just the way it is and some say I should have. If it's the former that I choose, wouldn't that be living in lies? We would be lying to the both of ourselves. I, in this case, would be the culprit for being a Two-Face. Some say I should've kept it until the time is right to tell her but when is the right time? How can we know? We can never know when are we going to get over our first love. Everyone knows that first love cuts the deepest, and I am close to a full recovery and yes, me and my ex-girlfriend are friends and nothing more. However, it is a different story between me and my current gilfriend.

Now, I chose the latter, because I believe that in a relationship, there should be no secret. However, this is only a small proportion compared to the real me, the one without secrets. I decided to tell her about it (it being the getting-over part) as a 'teaser', a some sort of indication that I want to share my secret with her and so this would be the first of many to come. Though she is my girlfriend, she doesn't know me as my bestfriends know me. They know me inside out. But now, since that little 'teaser' turned out to be the button for a catasthropic nuclear explosion, I wondered if I should tell her any secrets.

About a week ago, she called me and went totally berserk when she found out that I changed my blog URL. I did it because I do not want to share all of my secrets with her. If that little 'teaser' proved to be a calamity, how can I share my bigger secrets? In that phone call, she asked if I wanted to continue my relationship, and I decided to take my time and think before doing anything.

So, the options left are yes to break-up or no to break-up. I have to really think about it. If I say yes, it would break her heart completely and mine as well. If I say no, I'll end up hurting her even more. I'll be living a lie and if she finds out, which she will one day if we continue, it's like feeding myself with uranium -just like the rare polonium-210 fed to ex-Russian egent Alexander Litvinenko. But after thinking through this for a long long time, I now have reached my decision, however, it is not final. Whatever it is, I can only wait to answer her questions....

Lala Chong

The second day of fasting, I decided to join my friends for breaking fast in Lala Chong Restaurant in Subang. I had a wonderful time there along with my Taylor's friends -Shin Wei, Jiat, Yin Hui, Lih Huoy, Selphie, Yi Ning and Wendy. All are going to oversea soon and this might be our last dinner together before we go apart for another year. We had kangkung, lala (of course), chicken, some weird-looking soup, and crabs. And owh, satay was there as well =P.

It was all a small happy gathering between friends and though they might not be the best of friends like Hana, Sarah and me, deep down I know, these are the people that I'll be looking for in case of professional trouble i.e. studies, career, etc. The reason why I went there is to ensure that no one loses touch with each other and so we can help each other out in case somebody hits a tumbling block. We are there for each other though we might not be close personally.

All in all, it was a good outing for me as I haven't been going out because of the fasting month. I now can relax and look forward to the rest of the month happily. And to Sarah, chill k babe? U know I love u right? =)

RANtai 2008

First and foremost, I have to say that I am very grateful to have Hana and Sarah as my best friends. Without them, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't trade anything for that kind of friendship.

Now, where were we? Oh yeah, I went to this RANtai art festival in Jaya One, PJ. Along with the two girls, of course. We arrived amidst the traffic jams and whatnots around noon. And when we reached there, we met with Iefiz and his sister, Iezah. Well I heard so much about him but have never actually met him in person. I was told by Sarah that he was nervous to see and expecting a tough time trying to befriend with me. But honestly, he is a great guy. I see those visions in his eyes and he wants to succeed in his life. I do admire him, of course, being able to do the course of his choice unlike me. I have always wanted to be a pilot but somehow, my family decided that my future lies behind desk and pile of papers from 9-5 everyday.

Back to the exhibition. It was really nice to see all the different arts on display and I would've taken so many pictures over there but my battery ran out of steam and decided to die on me. *sigh*. And I also bought a couple of t-shirts that looked very nice. I am for sure will be back next year. And for sure I will meet Iefiz and Iezah a.k.a Noni again. I was thinking of staying back for the summer but decided that there are people that I need to see and the fact that I love Malaysia too much! And owh, Happy 51st Birthday Malaysia!!!! And to Sarah and Hana, both of you complete my life. Hana for sticking with me through thick and thin and listening to me ranting about my life, I do hope that I have done as much to what you have done for me. And Sarah, after this exhibition, the course of my life might change forever and if it does, you'll be the first person I say thank you to. Though I might not be here for as long as I wanted, but I'm always a call or text away ok? Love both of you so much. I wouldn't trade my life for anything else. And yes, I do hope that my life will change forever after this.

The Only One That I Wanted

On Tuesday, I had the best night in my entire life. A great night in every sense of the word. That was the day where I was reunited with my old housemate Ken, along with the dudes that played futsal with me and enjoyed a good few tournaments -Kien Hui a.k.a tall guy, Giggs, Eugene a.k.a Monster Keeper and Jonathan. These are the people that I will always look up to whenever I'm not playing with them. To me, this is the only team I'd ever wanted to play for, well, if Manchester United would like to sign me, that's a different case (I know it won't happen anyway, haha...). Anyway, we met up for futsal (the only thing that we do together) at the Extreme Park in Sunway and what a night it turned out to be.

We played in a King-stay format. Whichever team scores 2 goals first, they'll stay in the game and the losing team will be replaced by another team. And we managed to stay on for 10 straight matches. We only went out 3 times throughout the whole night, the 1st one because some idiot fellow stepped on my foot with his studs and left my foot burning for 20 minutes, the 2nd exit was due to the 10 match-unbeaten streak which left us so tired and couldn't continue anymore and only the 3rd exit was a loss.

The reason why I said that this is the only team that I'd play for is because we have a weird sense of understanding with each other. Outside the court, only me and Ken are close and Jon sometimes makes up the three of us. But all in all, we never go out together, and just chatting, nope, nothing like that. It's just that when we play futsal, we play as if we are the best of friends. We passed like Scholes, shoot like Henry, flying-header like Vidic (hehe, that's what I did, saje nak credit =P) and guard the goal like Schmeichel. We are always work as a team in futsal and we are the best amongst our peers. But it's sad that me, Ken and tall guy are leaving for UK in the next few weeks, but for sure, we will play again, and hopefully, in a tournament, to relive the glory one last time.

Kau Pijak Hatiku Lagi

Waktu kita sama sambut hari lahir,
Ku beri hadiah, hadiah bunga
Cantik,
Engkau memang cantik,
Izinkanku menatap wajahmu lagi...
Kau pijak hatiku lagi...

Tinggi harapanku terhadapmu,
Takku sangka ia hanya setengah jalan,
Jika memori kita disimpan di dalam cakera,
Kan ku mainkan sampai bila-bila...
Tapi...
Kini memori semua telah hilang...
Dan aku kini kehilangan...
Dimanakah engkau berada?

Love In A Million Ways

Nothing is perfect in this world, though we try and we try and we try to make it just that but we'll never be close to perfection. Everyone deserves a second chance to make it up but if we aren't, then there is nothing that we can do.

Even as a normal person, we can't handle all things at once. We have to take one thing at a time. That is why time and space are being put in this world. We have priorities, and we have to know which is the most important. We have priorities to ensure our long-term goals are achieved in the best way. These are the times that support from our family, friends and loved one play a vital role. These are the times that we have to sacrifice our needs for the greater good. We can't be selfish at all times. There are times when an unselfish act will reap a greater reward. That is what we are here for, we have to give and take. There are times that we need to make sacrifices to ensure our loved ones get through this difficult time.

Love can be expressed in a million of ways. Saying "I love you" is merely one of it. Giving support or ideas and opinions is also one if it. Love does not necessarily mean holding each other, having romantic dinners and so on. By helping the significant other get through with life -physically, emotionally and mentally- is also a way to express love. That means giving support in their daily lives and work and academics. It is not just having late night chats and saying how much we love each other, it is also how much respect we have for each other's privacy. Having a loved one does not mean that he/she is your solution to everything. As I said earlier, support plays a vital role. And support does not mean by just helping with everything. There are times when we need to be just as a spectator. It will give he/she a clear head in doing what they need to do. It can also be done by just thinking about that person, even if the significant other does not know about it. If he already knows that there is someone special, he does not need to know that she is thinking about him, he just KNOWS.

Jawapanku terhadapmu

Aku sedar dimana aku berada..
Aku di tempat yang asing bagimu..
Walaupun ia adalah rumah bagiku, tetapi ia adalah tempat asing bagimu..
Kata-kataku yang mengelirukanmu, tidakku bermaksud demikian..
Kata-kataku terbit dengan penuh keikhlasan..

Aku tahu apa yang kuingini..
Tetapi aku tidak akan berjaya tanpamu..
Kejayaanku terletak di tanganmu..

Aku hanya inginkan kehadiranmu di dalam hidupku selamanya..

Sebagai yang tersayang...

Hanya itulah yang kuingini..

Tiada lagi janji, tiada lagi kata-kata 'manis'..
Tiada lagi kata-kata yang akan kuucapkan...
Kini aku akan menunggumu..
Apa yang kau ucapkan padaku akan menentukan segalanya..

Officially Hit The 20 Mark

On the 12th day of the 7th month of the 8th year of the new millennia, I am no longer a person with the number 1 when writing or saying about my age. Just 364 days left before I hit the legal age of 21. And quite rightly, I am starting to feel....erm, well...old. Although 20 is a very young age but I am starting to have sores in my body and I have been bothered with a backache for so long. *sigh*...

And also, I am flattered that I received a lot of messages from friends all around the world when the special day was here. I never thought that so many people would remember but I am very very happy to have met all those people and they certainly leave a big mark in my life in terms of intellectuality, sociability and others that cant be put into words. To all those people, I am very grateful to have you guys as my friend and hope this friendship will last forever and not wither against the flow of time....

Sayang

Phew...cant believe holiday can be so tiring...I have been so busy lately that I can't seem to find spare time to write in my blog anymore. Most of the time I'm either not home or busy taking care of my twin nephews. But now, I finally got the time (and privacy) to write this post after so long. I have been going out quite a lot lately, meeting old friends, making new friends, futsal (well, I got a swollen ankle a few hours ago).

I finally get to live the life that I always wanted when I got home. Late night mamak, football in the wee hours and lepaking with all my friends. Eventhough I love doing all those things, I know deep down it won't last. I just want to savor these moments while it still lasts. That is why I am thinking of going back to Cardiff at the scheduled date (Sept 26th). And this is why I do hope that Lydia would understand my decision to stay in Malaysia as per my initial plan. Though I love her with all my heart, I do believe that there are times when you need to give in to others' needs. Sayang, I will always love you. Be patient and I'll be back to be with you in no time.

Lydia

As I am writing this post, I am waiting for the departure gate to Dubai to be opened. Dubai is the first leg of my journey home. But honestly, to tell you the truth, I am not really looking forward to go back home. Some of my friends are very excited to go back home and some even went home earlier, even before the term has ended. But as for me, I already bought the ticket when I got together with Lydia. Every single moment that I spend with her, every second and every minute, I always cherish those moments. Now the time has come for us to part ways for a few months. I am not ashamed to say that I was crying on the train. I can only see her face after at least 2 months. I don’t know why but this is the first time that I cried when I have to part with somebody. When I was in high school, not even once that I shed a single tear when my family went home and left. But this one is very different.

 

Although I knew that I am going to see her again, but the 2 months seem so long. I don’t know how will I survive during this vacation period. I guess I loved her so much that I am prepared to sacrifice myself for her. I am in love with her and I can only hope that she is just as that. One of the reasons why I cried is because she gave me a birthday cake and a present for me during my last night here in Cardiff. Although my birthday is not until 4 weeks’ time, she made me that cake because we won’t be with each other during that time. I was stunned and out of nowhere, tears started rolling down my cheek and as I am typing, my eyes are now very watery. She also gave me a present that acknowledges me as her boyfriend. This is the first time that I have ever been accepted by anyone. And this is why I will always treasure her for the rest of my life. I have a good feeling about us because we still have 2 years in our course and we are classmates, well, who knows, maybe this is it….

Sayang

This is specially dedicated to my loved one.

Dear,

I know that you are disappointed in me. You should.

I am a man, I'm not someone who can change overnight.

I am human, and I am as sane as you and everyone else.

But even as a human, I have a limit of my own.

A string will I have, and I stick by it.

I promised you something but I still failed to deliver.

But I am still trying as hard as I can.

Don't think that I never try.

I am each day closer to fulfill my promise.

But I can't do it alone.

I need strength. I need motivation. I need support.

And I believe that you are the one who are capable of giving me all that.

And so, that my promise to you will be fulfilled.

Dear,

I'm really sorry it's taking so long for me to fulfill my promise.

But I guarantee, when it happens, it'll be all worth it.

I love you sayang,

Saiful Amri Zaharin

Very Unexpected

Er...I cant actually out these to words. I think there is only one words for it. HAPPINESS. Yeah, that's the word. I never expected this to happen to me. I always thought that it was only one-sided  because deep down I knew I didn't stand a chance but well, I guess I was wrong. Both of us were actually waiting for the right time to tell each other. And I was really really flabbergasted when she told (well, I had to guess my own name, hehe..) me, but it was all well. We even make jokes about Fadhli when he was in a confused mode on when to tell this girl his true feelings, haha...

But anyway, I am happy, happier than ever before. Confessions have been made and I do hope that it is a start of something very very beautiful.

Awak, selamat pagi =)=)=)

Head over heels,

Saiful

Facebook is another Friendster/MySpace?

Ok, ok...I know I should be studying right now, but I just can't help writing this post. I am, as you all have already known, have an account in Facebook. I am actually expressing my concern over certain people who, like in Friendster, decided to use some fancy names as their profile name. It is actually very displeasing in my point of view.

Facebook account holders should remain very 'private' or in a way, very professional. We use Facebook not as a site where we'll just add some random people of whom that we don't even know. I seriously think it is an 'insult' to the site. Facebook should remain the way they are and not be just another social website where you can just add up your friends list to see who have the most friends (like what my friends are doing in Friendster and MySpace). The only reason is that, I use Facebook in order for me to keep in touch with my friends, real friends. Not to just add some random people as so to make me feel like I have a lot of friends. I know it is up to them to use any name that they want but please, have some respect. I have a friend who has a nickname but he never puts his nickname as his profile name. Ok, maybe an abbreviation of name would be acceptable such as Nicholas (Nick) or Michael (Mike) or Natasha (Tasha), but I feel the names such as Angel (if it's not their real name) or maybe Asbestrozz (yeah, they have an account using that name) are very childish. Just imagine when you are older and all, after graduation and you are working, maybe when you are 24 or 25, it would seem very childish to use that kinda names.

Facebook can also be used as a professional way of communicating with each other, sending formal messages for meetings and all e.g like we did for MSSCF (well, some of the meetings =P). The only reason for me to say this is that, once they all 'grow up' and all, Facebook will be dead and they will use another website to keep in touch. I do believe that Facebook will be around longer than Friendster and MySpace, and again we do not need flashy names and flashy pages with colorful backgrounds to make our profile page 'flashy', but it is the intention of keeping in touch with friends that counts.