Love -The Sequel

Romance

Well now, where were we? Ahh yes, my last post ended when I wrote about Farahanah. Let's move on, shall we? We move on to the college days where I can called it my "turbulent" times. During that time, I was really vulnerable due to new environment and new friends that entered my life. During my 18-month stint in Taylor's University College Subang Jaya, I endured a different mix of feelings towards different people. This is...Love (Part II)

The first person that I started to have feelings for is somewhat different from the previous ones. She was different from the others, yes. Her name alone says it all -Tee Yi Ning. Yes, I did fall for a Chinese girl. She was your average kind of girl. Smart and intelligent, that one. It was not her physical appearance or outside features that captivated me, but she had something that no one else has. What that was, I don't even know. For all I know, most of my time in Taylor's I spent a lot of time trying to get to know her i.e sitting beside her in class, drove her home. But she had this 'wall' that kept us from going further than our friendship. I knew it was because of our differences that erected that 'wall'. She was brought up in a different environment than mine. By then, all of my classmates knew that I was still trying to break that 'wall' down. For around 12 months, I tried and the last effort that I did was in Penang. We sat together on the bus going to Penang and I even bought her 2 Harry Potter books that made her collection complete. But at that time, I knew that I was not strong enough to break it. And so, we became just friends and we still are today. I still do chat with her every now and then, and from what she told me, she is having a great time in KDU and hopes to go to Manchester University later this year. I do hope for the best for her and God willing, I'll see her when she gets here.

This one is by far the worst that I have ever fell for. Her name is Yazira (that is the last time I'll ever write that name) from Kolej Yayasan United Engineers of Malaysia, hereafter identified as KYUEM. I still remember vividly when I first met her. It was on Merdeka day in 2006. She was my good friend's, Hamid, pet sister. Apparently in KYUEM, they have this programme called Keluarga Angkat. Well, she was Hamid's pet sister and w met when Hamid came down from Penang and wanted to celebrate Merdeka with me and Nadzirah, a good friend of mine. So we set out and Hamid was telling me about her and so we picked her up in front of Carrefour Subang Jaya. We then went to Sunway Pyramid for the countdown to our nation's 49th birthday. That was the starting point for us and we kept in touch for quite some time until I asked her out. She accepted it and so we did go out for a few more months. But in the end, she decided herself that she was not going to forget her ex-boyfriend that left her and she kept talking about him wherever we go. She talked about what he bought for her, where he brought her on one of their dates and stuff. But I blindly waited for her to stop reminiscing about him. Until one day, she said that I'm no good at all and I was just a rebound guy for her. I was so distraught that I nearly killed myself. Thankfully, I came to my senses at just the right time. If not, I wouldn't even be here typing all these. And by far, this is the only girl that I never keep in touch with after that. And I didn't regret it one bit. For me, she is already dead.

Depression

Quite a turbulent life that I had during my A-levels. I think that was why I nearly flunked my grades but thank God, He gave me a second chance to redeem myself in Cardiff, which I am currently doing my degree in Cardiff University. But I think that I still haven't learnt my lesson. Do you remember what I wrote in my previous post about love?  "But our break-up at the end 2002 was not the end for us. There is more to come later." Well, to make it short, Nadia and I did get back together after a few months of courting each other. And I can still say it is the best moment of my entire life to get back with her again. I was truly on top of the world. I felt like a king. After years and years of searching, I realised that the one that I love the most is still Nadia, no one else. But everything has a price. There were people who supported me throughout my ordeal when I broke up with Nadia, and now they were against me. They thought that I betrayed their friendships and I was not being grateful about what they did to ensure that I got over Nadia. I was so scared that I made the biggest mistake that I have ever done in my entire life -I let Nadia go. After that, I feel like I'm lost like I did 5 years ago. Now, I'm beginning to find my footings again, with the help of Nadia, even without her knowing it.

As for now, I have come to a conclusion that I'm not going to court someone. My heart belongs to Nadia, and unless someone is able to take it away or if she throws it away herself, then I'll just be who I am right now. Alone. Nadia and I made a pact a few hours ago before the time of writing "We'll just see what happens. if everything is well, then why not?" So until everything has been cleared and the dust been settled, we will see what happens to me next.

Death Of A Young Star

In Loving Memory

Heath Andrew Ledger

(April 4th, 1979 - January 22, 2008)

This news came in as shock for me. The late Heath Ledger, who tragically demised at a very young age of 28, was an actor and a loving father of his daughter, Matilda. I first noticed him in the movie Casanova, co-starring Sienna Miller. He also starred alongside Jake Gyllenhaal, Anne Harthaway and Michelle Williams.

I can't really say much about him as I didn't have the spare time to enjoy his movies. All I have to say to Mr. Ledger is that the impact that you have brought upon this world will always be remembered. May God bless you.

Rest In Peace

Dare To Dream (Part I)

"If you Dare to Dream, Dare to Live a Life that no one else Dare to Live"

-Saiful Amri-


It has been exactly 4 months and 2 days since I left my home in search of a better future. Some people say that I might not be able to survive. Some people say that I am better off here in Malaysia. Some people give me words of wisdom and encouragement to go and pursue my dreams. I was left with two choices; go Cardiff or stay in UTM. It was obvious that Cardiff will be my definite choice. But at that moment I was still naive, young, and have not yet been able to think like a true adult and thus, doubts began to overcome me. I seek assurance and re-assurance from my parents and my friends.

I was thinking at first "How is it like, living in Cardiff? Will I have friends like I had back home? Will they be the same? Am I going to have a culture shock?". But I stick with my decision to go abroad in order to challenge those who doubted me back home. I gave up my time in mamak stalls, watching live football late at night while eating nasi goreng ayam, shisha with Loo, play Winning Eleven with Felix and Hardeep, etc to go for studies in a foreign country.

Sept 19th 2007 marked the last day for me to spend time in Malaysia for the year 2007. Somehow, I didn't feel any sadness in me when I realised that I was about to leave Malaysia, my home. I even told my parents that they don't have to accompany me to the last point before I walked past the guards. There, I met up with Wei Qiang and his other friends (seriously, I forgot their names, heh...) and the one who save literally saved my life during my first few weeks there, my 姐姐 or big sister in English, Tee Chyi Chern. Me and Chern, as I called her, had a funny history together, well, our parents actually. It turned out that my mom and her dad were classmates during their university days in Universiti Teknologi Malaysia, hereafter identified as UTM. Funnily, I actually met her during the pre-departure briefing in Sheraton Imperial a few months before that but at that moment, we were just "hey, how are you" sort of thing. But we did get along when we were in the plane heading towards Cardiff and yes, she is my "guardian angel" here, along with Sara Lim, of whom I met right after we registered for our respective houses.

During my first few weeks here, I was still a noob a.k.a novice/amateur or whatever you want to describe it, at cooking. The only thing I knew, back then, to cook is just simple stuff like nuggets, maggi mee i.e junk food. So for a month, I was eating over at their place almost everyday (they fed me, literally..) and I started learning from them. They are my 2 friends that I'll treasure for the rest of my life. Without them, I would have been dead by November. Seriously. Since Sara and Chern are doing Law and I am currently undertaking Accounting and Finance course, so there are not too many opportunities these days to see them. And honestly, I am quite a loner if they are not around. Of course, I have other friends as well such as Farah, Tash, Nina, Julie, Nash, Shaq, Chong, etc but without the CHERA (as quoted by Divan, Sara+Chern= CHERA), I am practically lonely. I feel like I am new to Cardiff if they are not there.
So, I decided to join a few societies here in Cardiff. I was appointed as the 1st Year Representative for the Malaysian Student Society Cardiff (MSSCF) by Ivanpal, the President based on the fact that I know quite a lot of people in Cardiff. I was a little flattered when I heard this because I only a few people here in Cardiff but most of them are Committee members, so I guess that is where they notice my 'potential'. But yeah, I did accept the appointment along with Charlaine Chin and Dhyau. Although my post mainly deals with 1st years i.e acts as a medium between the Committee and the 1st years, but I do a whole lot more than that. Raising sponsorship for FOD (Festival Of Diversity), served food for the Minister of Higher Education (Datuk Mustapha Mohamad), etc are just part of the things that I do here. Honestly, I don't do much as a 1st Year Representative as they are a little bit hard in the head. I am not against them or anything but I am only against the fact that they are not exploring things here. All they do is just stick inside their clan of scholars and just do everything as a group. I am not even sure if they have a life. I mean, if I was a scholar, sponsored by the government, I would not just go and do my degree. The whole point of being sponsored is for us to get a degree wherever we are, and at the same time, see the world, learn how they study, and bring back the good qualities back home and leave the bad qualities. But as far as I can see, the scholars, as brainy as they are, they are not exploring enough. all they think is just to get a degree so they could pass the requirement for them to continue working with the body that is sponsoring them. This is something that I am really sad about.
Again, I have to leave my post to hang for now. I am a student and my main priority is study and so, I have to say "I'm sorry" and I promise, both this post and the one that precede it will be completed, hopefully by the end of this week. Till then, cheers!

Love (Part I)

Love. What is it really? What makes people would do just anything in  order for them to get it? What makes love so special to the vast majority of the people? What makes people lose their sanity for it? Is love really worth fighting for?

Love, according to the Thesaurus, is a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. In other words, love literally means a special feeling that makes people go absolutely mad/crazy over someone. They always think that love is the sweetest thing. But is it really so? What I am going to write today is just different experiences of mine with regards to love i.e couples, flings, scandals, gossips, etc and it starts way back in the mid 90's until the time of this article is written.

As far as I can remember, my first crush was Aishah Suhaimi. I still remember her face well until today, although I do not know her whereabout these days. The last time I saw her was in 2005, when she visited my high school, Malay College Kuala Kangsar, hereafter identified as MCKK. But we never really talked at that time due to my tight schedule as a committee member. I first her way back in primary school when we were in Standard 4 (1998). I am not ashamed to admit that at that tender age of 10, I already have a really big crush on her. I only talked to her for a few times, and the subject of me having a crush on her is always the topic of discussion amongst my friends. But it was all puppy love at that time and when she went to another school in 2001.

When I was in my Form 1 (2001), I met this girl, Siti Nur Sarahnabila, as she was my classmate and also my class assistant (I was the class monitor or representative). We had a chemistry going on between us, but we never really got together. My classmates thought that we were still together, even though she has already transferred to a boarding school. I still remember when my class teacher talked about good behaviour and she put me as one example of it. Straightaway, one of my classmate, Nadhrah, quickly stood up and said ,"Mana ada, ustazah. Dia dah couple la, dengan Yaya". Yaya is Sarahnabila's nickname. My face turned crimson upon hearing her remark. I remember me putting up a book over my head as to cover my blush. Haha...but no, there was nothing happened between us and there will never be because as far as I know, now she already has a boyfriend. He's a lucky guy, really. I still do keep in touch with Sarah, though not that frequent, until to this day.

This is the first girl that I really fell in love with. Nur Nadia Salehuddin. We were classmates during our lower secondary days. But out of the 3 years, I only started to notice her during my Form 2 days. As a naive 14-year-old, I never really knew the art of courting and flirting. But we did end up being a couple and we got along quite well until we got into an argument later that year which led to our break up. I thought I had the confidence to get over her in a few weeks but I never really moved on. Not even until today. But our break-up at the end 2002 was not the end for us. There is more to come later.

My first scandal after my break-up with Nadia was with Nuryani, another classmate of mine. We never really got anything official between us. The fact that both of our lives are so different and I still could not get over Nadia at that time made me think thrice if should I or not go for her love. And I decided not to because I am not thoroughly ready to commit myself into a relationship and partly also due to the fact that I was transferred to MCKK for the remainder of my high school years. I gladly welcomed this transfer as I could not get over Nadia while I was still there. I hoped that by going to a new school, I would be able to forget her and start afresh.

But since I'm a Melawatian through and through, my next scandal was, unsurprisingly, a Melawatian. Her name was Marlina, a tall but a bit naive and insecure, in my opinion. I did try to win her love but failed due to the fact that she was already in love with another guy. But I wasn't disappointed, though. I thought that I was just being desperate in finding a girlfriend. I haven't seen her since my time in Taylor's College, when I helped her preparing for her Economics paper. And at the time of writing, she is Dublin to further her studies in Accounting And Finance. She still asks me for advice on most things and as a friend, I always try my best to help a friend.

A year or so passed and I was still single. Then sometime in September 2005, I met a girl who is completely different from the others aforementioned. Her name was Nur Farhanah Ramli, a year younger than me. We met when my school made a trip to her school (Sekolah Seri Puteri), Kolej Tunku Kurshiah and SMAP Labu. I remember her being our 'tour guide'. I can't really recalled my group members because there were other juniors as well, so the only person that I can remember from that group is my batchmate, Hafizi a.k.a Dodo. So, we did keep in touch with each other until we made it official on October 24th 2005 at 10.55pm. How can I remember the exact time? I still remember the joy and the happiness in my face as I tried to accept the fact that I have a girlfriend, a real girlfriend. I still remember us talking on the phone for 3 hours and my bill went off the roof. Everything was well between us. I still remember her asking me questions (by giving me SMSes or texts) on History, Biology and so on so forth just to keep me calm in doing my exam questions befor my SPM. She would give me a flying kiss from Malacca for every correct question that I have answered. But we didn't last long. We broke up sometime around February 2006 due to distance and our commitment was to our studies not to each other. We could have been a great couple, Ana (as I called her) and me. Our line of fate intertwined with each other but never tied at the end. We are still friends and from what she have told me, she found someone special already. I am really happy for her because she was very happy, an honest happiness, when she told me. With all due respect to her, seeing her with the man that she truly loves actually made me happy. Weird but that's the truth.

Life goes on. We can't change anything from the past and as life goes on, more and more unwanted things and obstacle will come into our lives. And that conclude the first part of my experience on L.O.V.E.  Due to time constraint, I will write the remainder of my experience in due course. Cheers!

To be continued...

Exam Fever

Well, I finally got this blog up and running after being delayed for so long...as for a start, I'll just do a recap on what I've done since my first paper of Autumn semester.

The first paper that I had to go through is Principle Of Business Management which was on Monday Jan 14th. I put a lot of time and effort into this paper i.e sleeping very very late,  short naps to replace long beauty sleep, etc. I was so scared about this paper mainly due to its percentage (100%) that will be counted in my final 1st year examination. So yeah, I was so scared that I skyped Wei Qiang and ask him on all the questions relating to the subject. Thanks buddy, you're truly a great friend. I'll definitely remember all the things that we did together throughout our friendship (jet-skiing in Penang, 'argueing' about here and there, etc) haha...it still gives me good laughs when I'm sad and depressed.

Moving on, since I became all scared about my paper, I couldn't sleep at all throughout the whole night. Funny huh? I've never studied this hard my entire life, not even during SPM or A-levels (honestly!). I called Nadia and talked my heart out to her saying that I'm really scared and I think I'm going to screw this paper blablabla...she is truly a great person, although we had 2 bad histories together as a couple but we are matured in handling it together. If I'm given the chance to be with her again, I would gladly take it with open arms and open heart. But now, since (in my opinion) she doesn't want to be more than a friend to me, all I could do is just be a friend. Whatever happen between us is something that I won't think about in the near future. Now then, back to the story, I went to Talybont Sport Centre, in a *PANIC* mode, got there about 10 minutes before the start of my exam. I prayed to God so hard in that exam hall just to keep myself calm and composed for the duration. "You may start now," said the chief invigilator. And so I opened my question paper with half of me expecting to screw the paper. 

Then...

"What the heck?!!" All the questions are about the same as the previous years exam question. ALMOST EXACTLY. And i was like "I studied so hard for these kinds of questions?", but another half of me is relieved that it's the same question that I've been doing all week long. And so, first paper -COMPLETED-

My next paper was Introduction To Economics which was Wednesday Jan 16th also in Talybont Sport Centre but it was at 9am (Principle of Business Management was at 1pm), so I had Nadia, who's all the way in UM to wake me up at 7am. I was staying over in Shaq's place for a few days just to get out of my room after days of not going out at all. In all honesty, I didn't study much for this one. Since I was so exhausted in preparing for my first paper, I have no energy left for this paper. I went there with Nicole and hoping that it will be as easy as the first paper. And it didn't disappoint me. I had minimal fuss in doing the questions and I do hope I can put up a good performance and to get 1st Class by the end of my 1st year in Prifysgol Caedydd. Amen.

Well, that's all for my first post. Hope it doesn't bore for those of you who managed to reach the end.

I'll keep this blog updated regularly, I'll do my best. It's time to commit myself to something 

useful. Hehehe =P