Dark Secret by Ocean Miranda

Darkness all around me,

I feel you, suffocate,

No one else is around my misery,

Can I give anyone the key to the gate?

No one realises the pain,

The weakness that I feel,

The darkness swallows in vain,

My nightmares feel so real.

The shadow that hide,

The tears that I hold back,

The old me, has died,

Everything is black.

I run, but I still see it,

It is hard to face,

It pulls me in, bit by bit,

It takes me back, back to that place!

From the memories, I try to run,

They are destroying me slowly, not fast,

I'm growing weaker, I know they've won,

It haunts me, my past.

The sadness, it has brought,

I feel the guilt,

I can feel the inside rot,

The darkness inside me, it built.

I feel so insane,

These words are my last,

Darkness has won, my tears fall like rain,

I can't run anymore, it has won, my past.

My past has won,

I'm sure this is true,

The damage is done,

My heart, the darkness controls it too.

I'm leaving now,

You may not want to see,

You might not want to know how,

Today is the 'death' of me.

Thanks for being here,

Goodbye, it's time, I'm untied,

I have no fear,

It's time that I 'died'

Ya Rabbi

Malam yang dingin

Nafasku kelihatan tatkala aku menghembuskannya

Beribu perkara yang kufikirkan

Dari yang sekecil zarah hingga sebesar alam

Aku tidak dapat memberikan senyuman ikhlas

Hanyalah sekadar untuk menyembunyikan perasaanku

Aku tidak mengerti apa yang terjadi

Yang telah, dan yang akan terjadi

Hidupku bak patung yang bernyawa

Lemah and tidak bermaya

Hanya mampu melihat

Dengan linangan air mata berdarah

Tidak mampu lagi aku berusaha

Tidak mampu lagi aku mencuba

Segalanya kuserahkan pada-Mu

Ya-Rab-al-Alamin

Scared

I'm now scared...scared of what will happen in 24hours' time.

Ya Allah, please give me this calm feeling that I'm craving right now, for I can't find it no matter what I do...

Your humble servant

サイフルアムリ

Sarah and Hana

I wrote this one especially to my 2 of my longest friends. They are my life and my soul. There is nothing that can describe how much they mean to me. They have always been there for me, in both good and bad times. I love them more than anything that I have right now. And I can only hope that I have been there for them in their time of needs.

Hana, 10 years of pure friendship and love. That is a very very long time. Not many people can survive such a friendship for so long, but not you and I. I first met you in 1998 where we were in the same class. And we never looked back ever since. You have always been the numero uno whenever I feel like I was breaking to pieces. No one can ever replace you as my best friend. And I remember telling you this, I remember it clearly when. It was in 2004 where we had a very big fight. We almost ended our friendship then and there. But I realised that if I lose you, I would lose another half of me. "No matter what happens between us, you will always be my best friend, in life and in afterlife". I want you to know that I always think of you even when I am halfway across the world. I wish that I could be with you in Nando's and eat all those foods that I clearly don't like. You are a truly remarkable friend and my mentor in photography. I guess I learnt from you that "Pictures worth a thousand words". And it saddens me to hear

 that you are moving but hey, I was away for 2 years back in 2004 and 2005 but we kept on going strong. I am sure that we will always be the same no matter where we both are right? I love you Hana, and I always will be.

Sarah, my Oldtown partner. You, like Hana, completed the other half of me. Without you, I would be a nobody. You are the only one that can truly cheer me up, even now. You always have good things to say just to make me feel better. I really hope I have done just as much as you had done for me, because I know I haven't. I learnt a lot from you. The one thing that I am still trying to learn is on how to be patient. I am trying hard, babe. I really am. You are always there whenever I feel hungry and we would go to eat char kuey teow at Malinja or we would go to Starbucks for my cappuccino and your green tea frap. You always listen to me every time I have a problem with certain people and you stick by my side even when I don't have the strength to get up. You are always there for me. I sometimes feel very ashamed because I called you all the way from here, ranting about stuff, and you are in the middle of exams and all, I feel very

 ashamed and very sorry. As your best friend, I shouldn't have called you during those times. But you never told me to talk to someone else, you always have some nice things to say. I really love you, babe. 7 years of friendship and we are as strong as anyone. And so you know, if you are going to Nando's with Hana, just keep in mind that I am there, you just can't see me, that's all. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

あなたわ私のし乳です

Till next time my besties,

字やね

Only God Knows

I have been hiding this feeling

Hiding it in my heart

Covering the blossoming love

From the bottom of my heart

I beg for God's signs

Show me my one true love

To fill my loneliness

To send joy to my heart

Dear God,

Shower me with calmness

To soothe my troubled heart

Longing for the love of my life

In my heart

Only God knows

In my heart

I miss you girl

Sincerely waiting for you

For you are the one for me

Photoshop Thingy

This is what I've done so far with the new Adobe® Photoshop CS4 =P. Take a look

The Broken Arc

The Meltdown

Coburn16 Part II

Impossible Is Nothing

Autumn in the Garden by Henry Van Dyke

When the frosty kiss of of Autumn in the dark
Makes its mark
On the flowers, and the misty morning grieves
Over fallen leaves;
Then my olden garden, where the golden soil
Through the toil
Of a hundred years is mellow, rich, and deep,
Whispers in its sleep.

'Mid the crumpled beds of marigold and phlox,
Where the box
Borders with its glossy green the ancient walks,
There's a voice that talks
Of the human hopes that bloomed and withered here
Year by year,--
Dreams of joy, that brightened all the labouring hours,
Fading as the flowers.

Yet the whispered story does not deepen grief;
But relief
For the loneliness of sorrow seems to flow
From the Long-Ago,
When I think of other lives that learned, like mine,
To resign,
And remember that the sadness of the fall
Comes alike to all.

What regrets, what longings for the lost were theirs!
And what prayers
For the silent strength that nerves us to endure
Things we cannot cure!
Pacing up and down the garden where they paced,
I have traced
All their well-worn paths of patience, till I find
Comfort in my mind.

Faint and far away their ancient griefs appear:
Yet how near
Is the tender voice, the careworn, kindly face,
Of the human race!
Let us walk together in the garden, dearest heart,
Not apart!
They who know the sorrows other lives have known
Never walk alone.

Monday Blues

Hey ya,

It seems like ages ago since I last wrote anything here. Mostly because I am now too busy with either studying, or working. Yes, I am working now. It is nothing much, being a cleaner and get paid £8.60 for a 90-minute work which can easily be done in 30 minutes. Not bad considering that I will get £180 a month. Work long enough, I can get myself a new PC or a new laptop altogether. I was considering whether or not I should buy the iPod Touch™ or not but after considering the pros and cons of both sides, I decided to choose necessity over luxury for the time being. I think this is a good platform for me to fully utilise my time here.

It is now 4am Monday morning and I have been up since 9am. It confounded me, really. Went to Nottingham in the wee hours of Saturday morning, played futsal half of the day, went around walking and meeting new people and rekindled old friendships and so on, I was bound to be flat on Sunday. We reached Cardiff around 11pm on Saturday and so I decided to sleep straightaway around 1am or so. I thought I would be waking up around noon or something but I woke up at 9am. It was an accident that put me into this miserly Sunday. I was rolling around in my sleep when my knee accidentally pulled a bit of the curtain and the usually-depressing daylight hit my face. I woke up and I cant sleep from there onwards. And yes, my sunday was boring as usual. Coburn16 fell unusually quiet this weekend. Normally people would come in and hang out here. The juniors are the ones who always come here to find some comfort if they feel homesick, hehe...but sadly though, most of them have exam on Monday and so it is best that they study hard for it. All the best to them. Gee, I am running out of words. I don't know what to say anymore, really. I am having this (as Sarah babe pointed out, writer's block), so yeah, maybe I am having one of those moments when I can't think on what to write. So I guess I'll just stop right here for now. To all Medic 1st years, good luck, and may Allah be with you when you face your exams. Till then, cheers.

p/s: To Ainna, ガん場ってクださ

Translate this so that you can prove to me that you are indeed Japanese =P