My sonnets (No 3)

The Line is Dead...

The end of the road is here,

There are no more turns after this,

The thorns on the grass I have to endure,

And I will brave through with gritted teeth.

Such bad the road ahead of me,

I am not even sure if it is a road,

But I know it is the only way for me,

The only way for my experience to go broad.

I don't know long will this be,

I don't know how far I have to walk,

But I know it will reap a great reward for me,

So that I can talk the talk and walk the walk.

Nothing is going to hold me back now,

Nothing will be big enough for me to be stopped.

But with only death can stop me from going forth,

I will make sure death comes after I go top.

Happy 2010

Hey ya,

This is the last entry of the decade for this blog, since, well, it's only 2 hours before the new decade beckons. I have had the best and the worst of times over the last 12 months. Met some wonderful people, got to the lowest point of my life, lost a very very special friend, etc. But I'm no longer looking back at the past 12 months, I will only take a few things in the past that will only serve as a motivation to greater things. I know time is running out for me, I have to pull myself together as the next 6 months will be crucial and I will not stop going. I'll brave through the storm, break every wall, jump every hurdle, and laugh at every taunts. I have to do it for myself and my family as I want to show them that I'm strong.

Happy New Year

My Dilemma

Hey ya,

Lately I've been busy, which explains why my blog remained stagnant for a while. Got my exam timetable just before the holiday started and it already, in a way, spoiled my holiday mood. I have 3 papers in January. All in 3 days. I am already cramming my head with notes that have yet to be read. And to top all of that misery, I have to submit my assignment a week before my exam. The topic is pretty easy but it is bloody hard to find it in books.

I feel like my head is going to be blown into smithereens. I mean, literally. Which also made me think. I know it is not the most inconvenient time to think about it, but somehow I question myself why am I doing this course. Though I am a fan of numbers and I love solving them, however, my passion for the course in general is waning down rapidly. My passion remains towards what I always love to do remains the same. Photography, travelling, and writing.

I can't imagine myself sitting behind the desk in a small cubicle of an office from 9 to 5, for 5 days a week. I will be bored to death. I grew up with the passion of appreciating the scenery and tried my best to capture the moment and living in it. Only by travelling, taking photos and writing about my journeys can I live in those moments. Right now, I'm stuck behind a stack of notes and books, along with the computer doing the stuffs that I hate to do. Not that I don't love studying, I do. But I am dying of boredom.

And as a result, I lack the motivation to study. Am I doing all these just to please my family? They told me that they wanted me to have a normal family life. But I am not like that. Every time I go back for holidays, I would spend more time outside the house than in it. I don't want to be those people with tie and suits whose lives are constrained by the boundaries of their cubicle. I don't want to be those people, who, when they look forward, all they see is papers stapled to their cubicle wall. To me, it feels like living in a box. Not being able to venture forth and my ass glued to the office chair.

Well, only 7 months left. After that, might be thinking of staying here for another year or two to do my professional exam, and then, well, hopefully I can finally do what I always wanted to do.

Till then,

cheers

My sonnets (No 2)

Ode From A Psychopath

Originally by Brodwyn

Also covered by Juliet The Orange

Darker things, darker minds,

A tint of blood drops,

We shall all never find,

The passion that throbs.

Method in all madness,

Order and plan,

My madness reads like a book,

Which never can end.

This is an ode from a psychopath,

A tormented creature,

This is an ode from a psychopath,

The darkest of shadows,

The drumming is how I heard in my temple,

This is an ode from a psychopath,

A spiritual ailment.

Chapter one contains the first,

Moment I saw,

Your shaded being against the light,

There isn't a flaw.

Chapter two and chapter three,

Was when my heart cried,

And I believe in my madness,

That you must die.

My sublime, my darkling faun,

You should never know my desire,

The poison in my soul is come,

Your pounding pulse in the fire.

Ode from a psychopath,

This mutual feeling...

My sonnets (No 1)

One last breath

Tick tock tick tock,

No other sound,

Tick tock tick tock on the clock,

The clock that lay on the ground.

Darken room, curtain down,

A body lies on the floor,

Drugs and and pills all around,

Nobody knows what is behind that door.

Little air fills his lungs,

His breathing is heavy,

His weaken eyes look around,

Everything he sees is hazy.

He's close to dying,

And he knows it too,

He was a fool in his prime,

He was everybody's fool.

He was the perfect guy,

Cracking smile with bright eyes,

His alter-ego soared sky high,

Not knowing he was soon to take a dive.

But when he did, it was too late,

It will end very soon,

Life is not a fairy-tale,

The happy ending was just a spoof.

And for one last time,

To the alter-ego that went to exile,

He cried with all his might,

"Bring me back to life...."

Tick tock tick tock on the clock,

But only the clock is making sound....

'Boob Quest' -Chapter 7

Life is a never-ending saga. Life can be a fairy-tale for some, and a horrible nightmare for others. Some are born rich and happy, and some poor and miserable. People look at their lives differently than others. No two individuals can have the same opinion about each other's life. But no matter how you look into other people's lives or how they look into yours, life always have its us and downs.

The difference between two lives is how one deals with their lives, regardless of their background. The difference in determining how well one's life is how they turn their downs into ups and ups stay up. It doesn't always be emotional relationship troubles, or a broken family. It can be anything from physical deficiencies to financial difficulties, even to academic capabilities.

I do have those down moments, which, at times, make me wanted to just give up and run away. But I know, if I keep running, I'll ran out of space. Inevitably, I have to face the harsh reality. To me, life is never easy. Everyday, there is always something that will make my life a living hell. And yes, there are moments when I doubted myself and sometimes my confidence is at an all-time low. But I know that no matter how much I cry, how many times I want to give up, how fun I run, I know that in the end, the choice is mine to make.

Life is full of choices...You just have to know which one to choose....

'Boob' Quest -Chapter 6

STRANGER TO THE LEFT

It seems so empty,

Even in this vast volume,

Everybody seems so lonely,

Everybody including me and you.

The chit chat seems so loud,

But I am not hearing anything,

Even when the deafening sounds grew louder,

All I hear is nothing.

I wander around this mass,

Searching for someone I can trust,

Someone to share my past,

Just for trust not pity or lust.

And so I walked and walked,

'Till my feet took me no further,

These heavy sighs as I took breath in bulk,

And I was at the end of a road curve.

I was alone among these people,

There was only so little strength left,

And then I heard the sound of footstep, so feeble,

It was from a stranger to my left.

She was lost and lonely,

Her eyes were wildly looking for something,

And so I reached my hand out to her gently,

Saying, "Can I help you with anything?"

"My life has been shitty" she said,

And I said "Mine has been full of shit",

We talked, we cried and we laughed till it hurts,

And we didn't miss out a single bit.

Then, the time was for us to go on,

Go on with our shitty lives which seems to have to no end,

She was nearly gone when I shouted "By the way, my name is John"

"Mine's Jess" she said, and we never saw each other again.

I owe my life to her, that stranger to my left,

We both know that everything in life is so vile,

Because she whispered in my ears before she left,

"My friend, all we can do is smile..."