My Dilemma

Hey ya,

Lately I've been busy, which explains why my blog remained stagnant for a while. Got my exam timetable just before the holiday started and it already, in a way, spoiled my holiday mood. I have 3 papers in January. All in 3 days. I am already cramming my head with notes that have yet to be read. And to top all of that misery, I have to submit my assignment a week before my exam. The topic is pretty easy but it is bloody hard to find it in books.

I feel like my head is going to be blown into smithereens. I mean, literally. Which also made me think. I know it is not the most inconvenient time to think about it, but somehow I question myself why am I doing this course. Though I am a fan of numbers and I love solving them, however, my passion for the course in general is waning down rapidly. My passion remains towards what I always love to do remains the same. Photography, travelling, and writing.

I can't imagine myself sitting behind the desk in a small cubicle of an office from 9 to 5, for 5 days a week. I will be bored to death. I grew up with the passion of appreciating the scenery and tried my best to capture the moment and living in it. Only by travelling, taking photos and writing about my journeys can I live in those moments. Right now, I'm stuck behind a stack of notes and books, along with the computer doing the stuffs that I hate to do. Not that I don't love studying, I do. But I am dying of boredom.

And as a result, I lack the motivation to study. Am I doing all these just to please my family? They told me that they wanted me to have a normal family life. But I am not like that. Every time I go back for holidays, I would spend more time outside the house than in it. I don't want to be those people with tie and suits whose lives are constrained by the boundaries of their cubicle. I don't want to be those people, who, when they look forward, all they see is papers stapled to their cubicle wall. To me, it feels like living in a box. Not being able to venture forth and my ass glued to the office chair.

Well, only 7 months left. After that, might be thinking of staying here for another year or two to do my professional exam, and then, well, hopefully I can finally do what I always wanted to do.

Till then,

cheers