A Lil Bit of An Update

Hey ya,

Again, pardon for such weird posts lately, been going through a patchy path of my insignificant life. Been away for most of the time, not being at home, more like spending more time in the library and the exam halls than my own room. But fingers crossed, I'll pass. I'm not going to let people know what exactly happened with my personal troubles as I only want to deal with it myself and not having unwanted people poking their noses into a business which is not theirs. Of course, there are some people that I will turn to for occasional help and advice but that is pretty much about it.

Had a wonderful getaway in Flumserberg with my brother and met some wonderful friends just to get my mind off things. Went snowboarding over there and I assure you, it's damn freaking hard. I fell countless of times and even bruised my ass. But it was all worth it after going down 200m slope without falling. Yay!! It was such enthralling to see all those snows and friendly people, it is just amazing.

Always by Bon Jovi

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

My sonnets (No 3)

The Line is Dead...

The end of the road is here,

There are no more turns after this,

The thorns on the grass I have to endure,

And I will brave through with gritted teeth.

Such bad the road ahead of me,

I am not even sure if it is a road,

But I know it is the only way for me,

The only way for my experience to go broad.

I don't know long will this be,

I don't know how far I have to walk,

But I know it will reap a great reward for me,

So that I can talk the talk and walk the walk.

Nothing is going to hold me back now,

Nothing will be big enough for me to be stopped.

But with only death can stop me from going forth,

I will make sure death comes after I go top.

Happy 2010

Hey ya,

This is the last entry of the decade for this blog, since, well, it's only 2 hours before the new decade beckons. I have had the best and the worst of times over the last 12 months. Met some wonderful people, got to the lowest point of my life, lost a very very special friend, etc. But I'm no longer looking back at the past 12 months, I will only take a few things in the past that will only serve as a motivation to greater things. I know time is running out for me, I have to pull myself together as the next 6 months will be crucial and I will not stop going. I'll brave through the storm, break every wall, jump every hurdle, and laugh at every taunts. I have to do it for myself and my family as I want to show them that I'm strong.

Happy New Year

My Dilemma

Hey ya,

Lately I've been busy, which explains why my blog remained stagnant for a while. Got my exam timetable just before the holiday started and it already, in a way, spoiled my holiday mood. I have 3 papers in January. All in 3 days. I am already cramming my head with notes that have yet to be read. And to top all of that misery, I have to submit my assignment a week before my exam. The topic is pretty easy but it is bloody hard to find it in books.

I feel like my head is going to be blown into smithereens. I mean, literally. Which also made me think. I know it is not the most inconvenient time to think about it, but somehow I question myself why am I doing this course. Though I am a fan of numbers and I love solving them, however, my passion for the course in general is waning down rapidly. My passion remains towards what I always love to do remains the same. Photography, travelling, and writing.

I can't imagine myself sitting behind the desk in a small cubicle of an office from 9 to 5, for 5 days a week. I will be bored to death. I grew up with the passion of appreciating the scenery and tried my best to capture the moment and living in it. Only by travelling, taking photos and writing about my journeys can I live in those moments. Right now, I'm stuck behind a stack of notes and books, along with the computer doing the stuffs that I hate to do. Not that I don't love studying, I do. But I am dying of boredom.

And as a result, I lack the motivation to study. Am I doing all these just to please my family? They told me that they wanted me to have a normal family life. But I am not like that. Every time I go back for holidays, I would spend more time outside the house than in it. I don't want to be those people with tie and suits whose lives are constrained by the boundaries of their cubicle. I don't want to be those people, who, when they look forward, all they see is papers stapled to their cubicle wall. To me, it feels like living in a box. Not being able to venture forth and my ass glued to the office chair.

Well, only 7 months left. After that, might be thinking of staying here for another year or two to do my professional exam, and then, well, hopefully I can finally do what I always wanted to do.

Till then,

cheers

My sonnets (No 2)

Ode From A Psychopath

Originally by Brodwyn

Also covered by Juliet The Orange

Darker things, darker minds,

A tint of blood drops,

We shall all never find,

The passion that throbs.

Method in all madness,

Order and plan,

My madness reads like a book,

Which never can end.

This is an ode from a psychopath,

A tormented creature,

This is an ode from a psychopath,

The darkest of shadows,

The drumming is how I heard in my temple,

This is an ode from a psychopath,

A spiritual ailment.

Chapter one contains the first,

Moment I saw,

Your shaded being against the light,

There isn't a flaw.

Chapter two and chapter three,

Was when my heart cried,

And I believe in my madness,

That you must die.

My sublime, my darkling faun,

You should never know my desire,

The poison in my soul is come,

Your pounding pulse in the fire.

Ode from a psychopath,

This mutual feeling...

My sonnets (No 1)

One last breath

Tick tock tick tock,

No other sound,

Tick tock tick tock on the clock,

The clock that lay on the ground.

Darken room, curtain down,

A body lies on the floor,

Drugs and and pills all around,

Nobody knows what is behind that door.

Little air fills his lungs,

His breathing is heavy,

His weaken eyes look around,

Everything he sees is hazy.

He's close to dying,

And he knows it too,

He was a fool in his prime,

He was everybody's fool.

He was the perfect guy,

Cracking smile with bright eyes,

His alter-ego soared sky high,

Not knowing he was soon to take a dive.

But when he did, it was too late,

It will end very soon,

Life is not a fairy-tale,

The happy ending was just a spoof.

And for one last time,

To the alter-ego that went to exile,

He cried with all his might,

"Bring me back to life...."

Tick tock tick tock on the clock,

But only the clock is making sound....