Dearest Nadia

Dearest Nadia,

I went, along with Zuhri, to visit you yesterday (Saturday). We went there around 9.30am. Just after I parked my car outside of your 'home', there is this subconscious voice in my head that said to me. "Be strong Saiful, that is the only way". Every step I took, the heavier it got. Your 'home' is somewhere near the end of the neighbourhood with a few new neighbours that have joined the neighbourhood after you.

I recited the Yaasin, and my hands were trembling whilst doing so. I swallowed hard all the tears that were trying to force their way out of me. But I managed to hold it in. I couldn't even recite the Yaasin properly because I was trying so hard not to cry in front of you. I prayed to Allah Almighty to always bless you in your new life.

I can't stop myself looking at your pictures and as far as I can remember, there is only 1 picture of me and you, and it was 7 years ago with the man-made waterfall was the background. I'm still trying to look for the picture and I hope to find it soon. I still remember your last status..."a friend of mine just broke up and he wants to be a gay now..". Though not a lot of people know this, but I'm proud that you put it up because of me. I was that friend. Should you be around, I would've been that gay friend of yours. Heh, it gave me a small smile through all of these pains that I've been dealing.

I shall visit you again soon and I'll visit your family, too. I am so sorry I couldn't see them the last time around, I'll try and see them the next time k? I love you in the past, present, future and for eternity. No matter how long it takes, I will see you again...