A Drop of Ink From The Heart

Hey ya,
Sorry for the lack of recent updates, been buried under piles and piles of notes and books for the Autumn exam. And those headaches doesn't seem to go away. Finished my first paper on Tuesday (Company Law), and it was like shit. Concentrated so hard on 5 topics with another 2 extra topics for just-in-case. Really felt confident and for the 1st time is ages, I had the belief that I can do it this time. Well, life is life. Life isn't fair at all right? Of all the 7 topics that I revised, only the 2 just-in-case topics came out. And I had to answer like 3 essays in 2 hours, so all I did for the 3rd question was, as usual, goreng!!!!. And I have another paper in just over 15 hours from this point of writing. Tax...sounded easy but hell no, no freaking way!! It was worse than I thought. Well, fingers crossed, pray to God Almighty that I'll pull it through.
I was under immense pressure from studying and mental torture. Started with losing a few friends within 2 weeks (1 due to argument, another due to a landslide back home) and barely a week later, lost an unborn nephew -a few hours short of what could have been his arrival to this world. To Allahyarham Abdullah Amin Fahmi bin Ahmad Rizal, God has a better plan for you, and I hope to see you when I leave this world someday, Inshallah.
If losing those three people wasn't enough, I recently came under fire from my own 2 bestfriends. Well, I was to be blamed for causing all of it, though. And I'm truly sorry for what I did and what I did not do. Just so you guys know, I love you guys. There were a lot of issues that was really a threat to our friendship. But I guess, in my own defend, though friendship is what I crave, I hope all of my friends crave the same thing as well. There are differences between what I can do from where I am and where I want to be. I just hope that you two would be patient, that is all I am asking. Feeling left out is not something new for me. I have been feeling left out for God know how long. Even with you two. Yes, you two. But I'd rather not say anyhing more as I treasure our friendship more than anything in this world. Even if it means selling my soul to the devil himself to keep our friendship stay strong, I will do it willingly and wholeheartedly. All I'm asking from you is to show a little bit of concern even if I am alright. I have done all in my powers to make this friendship lasts forever but I have to ask this, and I have never ask this from you two: What have you two done to make this last forever?
Well now, I guess that's all from me now. Need to get back to studying my Tax. Hope it is not too late to wish all of you who are having exams the best of luck. Till next time, cheerio.

Finally

Finally, I did it!!

A Jot From The Heart

A jot from the Heart,

A sound of tears and screams,

Unheard to else,

Wishing it was only a dream,

A dream of poison and thorns.

Each step I took,

Each pain I endure,

From the hands of the brute,

No one knows what I am going through.

I'm filled with nothing but black,

Black of pure depression,

Tried to get that white light back,

But the black proved to be an obsession.

I am just another shell,

A soulless shell,

Hollow and empty,

A cracked shell is what I am,

Ready to break at any time.

No light than I can see,

Pitch black conquers me,

I'm beginning to dwell in it,

And it's turning like a friend to me,

Should there be any light that will bathe me,

I know it's the end,

Not just for the darkness,

But for this shell, too.

So come forth, you white light,

Nay you stay far away,

Come forth to lift me up high,

And never to return again...Nay...

I shalt wait for thee, my one messiah.

Heartache

My heart....it hurts...what is this I'm feeling? 

HELP!!!!

Hey,

I can't think anything right now. My mind is not where it is supposed to be. I should be studying yet I can't seem to be able to read anything at the moment. Somebody help me!!!!!

As The Clocks Ticks

Hey ya,

First and foremost, Merry Christmas!! Hope all of you have a good one. Christmas Day has always been followed by New Year's Day. And so, as we merrily celebrating Christmas, we tend to forget that a week after that, we are already in a new year. And new year is always the time where one reflects their deeds over the last 52 weeks and planning their next 52 weeks. Unfortunately, most of the time, those plans become more and more obsolete and by the 5th week, it will just fade away into thin air and nothing will be done to recreate it. And we left with the same old us a year ago.

Most people would think that for their new year resolution, they want to have a successful life, excel in their studies or their work, have a caring and understanding loved one, stop doing something that they should not have e.g smoking or drinking, and so forth. I too, have a lot of things that I want to improvise come 2009. Particularly, the smoking part. I am trying as hard as I can to minimise my nicotine intake just so that I can prove that I am strong enough to overcome anything. However, I do have a flaw in pursuing this target. I do not have the motivation to keep on going.

Somehow, as 2009 looms, I felt that I might actually get what I want. It has been going on for quite some time and I really feel that this time I'll get it. No, I'm not going to tell what it is, but I will work hard for it. By hook or by crook, I will do my utmost best to get it. Being at the top is hard, staying on top is even harder. That literally explains my ambition to get this. It is an enormous task given recent histories of me failing to get it, but somehow, I felt that I can do it this time around. And if I do get it, I swear to God that I will lever let it slip, ever again. Nobody knows what is it that I want, but I can assure you, it is worth fighting for. Both in the short run and in the long run. Of course, studying and all those generic new year resolutions are still in my mind, with studying being the top priority, because only by studying, I can get what I truly desire. This is a personal goal for me, and seeing the rewards that are waiting for me should I succeed, is something not even words can describe.

Desperta Ferro!

Twilight is....

Hey ya,

Sorry for the lack of updates. I was officially in a 'hibernate' mode over the last one week. Why might one ask? First and foremost, there was nobody around. And when I say nobody was around, I mean NOBODY was around. There were only 3 of us in the house. And we practically did not go out the front door, with the exception to buy food for survival. Secondly, I was having my usual mood-swing (though I should not be having any). And funnily, it lasted quite long. But yeah, no worries, though. I am getting better since Zalina will be back in a week's time. Hopefully we'll be able to spend the New Year's Eve together as planned.

And studies? Hehehe...I actually haven't started a single shit. I managed to start a few pages on Company Law but Stats and Tax? Nada. I have to be strong. Have to work my ass off for this exam (Gee, I think I've said this to myself too many a times). But nothing will ever be done unless I do something. And that, my friend, is watching Twilight (After being bugged by EVERYONE). And I hate to admit it, it was surprisingly good but not good enough for my taste. Robert Pattison a.k.a Edward Cullen (Twilight) a.k.a Cedric Diggory [(Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire)...don't think I just knew him by the former movie, I have a very good general knowledge, hehe..perasan], was OKAY. He is an okay-looking guy with a weirdly-extended double-chin. But I love his hair, seriously, I do.

Kristen Stewart a.k.a Bella Swan a.k.a Sarah (Panic Room) a.k.a Maddy (Catch That Kid) was stunningly beautiful. She doesn't have all those features that most Holywood stars have. Her beauty lies not with the amount of the make-up but her eyes. Hey eyes were out of this world. And she played her character well. Her role in the movie was ok, not too great but not too bad either. However, the movie wasn't up to my expectations.

I felt that the movie didn't really expand very well. The story is not centered on Edward trying to save Bella which was the climax of the movie, but the build-up to that moment was somewhat vague. The story mostly centered around Bella trying to know Edward's secrets and there were no build-ups for James' a.k.a the Villain part in trying to hunt Bella. Well not exactly there were no build-ups at all but as far as I can remember, there were only less than 2 seconds that showed the trio's, Laurent, James and Olivia, bad side. During that point, we couldn't even make out who was what. Then all of a sudden the three of them were walking through the mist to crash the Cullens' baseball game only for Laurent to warn them about James' hunger for human blood the next day. Laurent warned the Cullens about James' unparalleled talent at what he does, hunting human. Surprisingly, he became an idiot by following the wrong 'scent' but did manage to get back on the right track. The fight scene between Edward and James were too short to have an impact on the audience. Overall, it was not a great movie but it is a simple yet not kiddish like Narnia.

My ratings 5/10.

p/s: I like this line :"I don't have the strength to keep myself away from you" Damn bloody charming. lol

Cheers